Thursday, December 28, 2017

Side Effects from Watching the Hallmark Channel on Mute

Coping with grief means I allow myself to heal in whatever way works for me. Isn't that how it works? Currently I'm still doing some unusual things. I'm reading philosophy. Stoicism. I'm serious. You know what's worse? It helps.

My writing is currently short stories caused by travel inspiration and slam poetry. A vampire story. It's literary, I swear it. But I saw this cemetery in England and WHAT would you do with it?

Vampire that's what.

The slam poetry is just my secret thing. 

I'm also watching the Hallmark channel on mute. It's on mute so that I can play Christmas carols at the same time. Yeah, it's obvious I'm teetering here, but it's definitely the Hallmark channel I'm having these following odd reactions to.

1. The firm knowledge that I have ZERO decorating skills.
2. A disorienting realization that Santa Claus moved from mercenary capitalist to wish-granting Demi-God. Why do I NEVER get the damn memos?!
3. Wonders if ANYONE ANYWHERE outside of a Hallmark movie has EVER danced to ANY Christmas carol? And I'm not talking about an impromptu line dance to Feliz Navidad, we've all been there. I'm talking about couples waltzing to Silent Night. Just, no.
4. But the power of Hallmark compelled me to send Christmas Flowers to many old friends and family. Nice ones from florists and everything.
5. Also, Christmas cards. With stamps.
6. TERRIFYING INTROVERTED SIDE EFFECT: Everyone who got flowers was then compelled to CALL ME—NOT TEXT—BUT LITERALLY CALL ME TO SAY THANK YOU AND AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! WORDS!!!! OUT LOUD!!! Why can’t I love you from afar?!
7. SHOCKING REVELATION 101: I loved talking to them!
8. I need a freaking intervention before I start baking something.

9. Too late. I made an English Trifle from scratch, with real custard and homemade whipped cream. My mixer didn't know what to think. That's about the fourth time I've used it in six years. The worst part? It was fantastic, and now expectations are sky-high that I'll make it again.

Reality is so freaking dangerous. Go ahead and mix in some unrealistic expectations and see what the hell happens. Are you with me?

What damage has the Hallmark channel done to you? I'm telling you I WENT TO HOBBY LOBBY. INSIDE. TWICE.

The rest of the year I'm just going to read Fiction and drink chai tea until the muse drags me off and forces another book out of me. That hurts too, but it doesn't scare my loved ones nearly as much.

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