If Life is a Learning Process, I Can Check These Off My List...

S.R. Karfelt/The Glitter Globe

The Best Part About Being a Grown-Up Who’s Consumed Decades of Life Force is—

• I call bullshit on stuff. Like. Out loud.
• If the mood strikes me, I will dance. However and whenever.
• Criticisms only occasionally interest me.
• Dear Compound Interest, I can math a little bit. I don’t want you in my life.
• If you’ve betrayed me in the past, you need not apply.
• Of course I forgive, I’ve just feng shui’d the non-trustworthy out of today.
• I’d rather eat the cake and have to walk thirty miles as penance, than not eat the cake. Cake-filled life is a balancing act.
• Less is definitely more, and frees up SO MUCH TIME FOR PLAY.
• If you’re being friendly just to sell me something, I don’t have even sixty seconds to gift you.
• Be honest with me and I will respect you. Be genuine too, and I just might love you.
• I can go days without judging people, and I don’t like to play with people who can't stop.
• I’d rather know what you’re up to than your neighbor or family.
• Wallowing in fear and negativity isn't my favorite pastime. It surprises me how many people enjoy it.
• We’re all going to die. It’s a firmly established fact. Now, let’s talk about something interesting.
• If you laugh at my nakedness I might follow you with it. (That’s metaphorical.) (Probably.)
• My need to impress anyone with the flashy, shiny, upgraded version died years ago. Sell it elsewhere.
• Things no longer impress me, but people do.
• Beauty isn’t skin deep, it’s heart deep, and I have the ability to see it everywhere. You too?
• Turns out cool is subjective and boring. Vulnerability and nerdiness is my thing. 
• What doesn’t kill you does make you stronger. I hope I don’t miscalculate.
• Yes, I do sometimes generalize. It streamlines my days, but whenever my generalizations are incorrect, it's somehow thrilling.
• My competence rarely interferes with play time. 
• Yep I could pay the extra by using easy financing INSTEAD of getting a fair price up front, *coughs BULLSHIT* but I know the more I owe, THE MORE I OWE. DER.
• Yes. I could vote for you and your freshly minted demi-god propaganda OR I could wait for karma to infest your colon like all the demi-gods before you.
• Colors are brighter, the air is sweeter, and the fun is funner. Maybe it’s me.
• Maybe I could impress you by paying too much for your gadgets and gizmos, but I have a plenty already.
• I can love your hinges loose, or rattle them loose. Your call.
• I may have consumed decades of life force, but I’m young enough to REMEMBER them all!

Maybe I should add,

• There’s always room for revisions.

Because one thing I’ve noticed about life is that it’s always changing. After all your decades, what can you add to the list?