Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Driving Myself to Drink

The Glitter Globe S. R. Karfelt
Copyright by Abbey Miklitsch and her driving hedgehog, Zebra

Aren’t you glad the holidays are over? All that pressure, all the excess, all the ribbons and wrappings are done with. Now we can face a couple months of empty days full of nothing but icy cold and blowing snow.

Not to mention the Pièce de résistance liquid penance for all sinners—the green smoothie.

Which if you’ve been a bad boy like I’ve been a bad girl you need to start consuming by the tanker truck full.

Would you believe my enthusiasm for empty days is genuine? Do you feel like that too? Nothing soothes an introvert’s heart like a completely blank January calendar. Can you give me a Mel Gibson FREEDOM roar? (Why does mine always sound like Sméagol?)

If we could just wrap the cray-zay of last year into a titanium capsule and bury it beneath Mesozoic layers of guano in the bat cave—where hopefully it won’t leak into this year—our quiet freedom might last. Pretend. Remember the power of positive thinking?

Huge amounts of creative energy can be produced from a quiet zone. That’s why I like to work in a cave. My laptop is balanced on a stalagmite. The green smoothie IV is hanging from a stalactite. My body has melded into the Stairmaster, like some sort of Wes Craven Centaur-thing. All the working out and writing I’m doing is generating a force field against interruption.

Federation Starfleet Force Field Level Ten and Holding.

(Maybe everyone is just afraid to interrupt when I’m working (and talking) like this? The cave is a metaphor (maybe). Just in case someone thinks I literally work in a cave (I do) and wonders how the WiFi works (it’s wired) or if they can visit (No. See above force field rating.) Of course if you’re a logical literalist, what are you doing in The Glitter Globe? Lost? You need to skedaddle because this cray be contagious. (Too late))

Is it just me or do you sense some cray leakage from the titanium capsule? 

Next year let’s bury it deeper than Mesozoic. Cenozoic? Anyone else on the lam? Anyone else glad to have some quiet time and hoping it lasts? And of equal importance, has anyone else been driven to drink the green smoothie based almost entirely on the crack called petit fours, pedaled by the Swiss Colony


  1. Our household went on a diet between Thanksgiving and Christmas and I actually maintained weight loss over the holiday season. Be jealous. :P

  2. Is it totally a clone thing that I hear you saying "freedom" in a Smeagol voice as well?

    I'm not sure anything can drive me to drink that green smoothie.


  3. Why come nobody mentioned how absolutely amazing it is that Zebra the Hedgehog is driving?

    In order to get him comfortable driving in city traffic (so that we could get this shot) it was weeks of Saturdays shot while we drove him to his defensive driving class so he could get his license back.


  4. Maybe because we already saw/remarked on the pic back in... November?

    And green smoothies can be yummy if you make them right.

  5. Who is this Ashley person? Burn her at the stake!

    Just kidding. Good for you :)

  6. Boil that dust speck.
    Boil that dust speck.

    I'll get the pitchforks.

    Just kidding, Ashley. You're one of the smart ones, and we're supportive--if somewhat envious of your holiday restraint.

    But you still have to be amazed at the driving hedgehog, even if you saw it on FB. It only counts as an official sighting here in The Glitter Globe.

    Plus now you know how hard we worked to get his license back.

  7. And I can't help but wonder if Katie Cross's enthusiasm for burning people at the stake is foreshadowing for the next book in the Miss Mabel's School for Girl's series?

    Do they burn witches in The Network? I mean they're all

    And do they allow pet hedgehogs at Miss Mabel's School for Girls?

    They're very high maintenance pets btw. Although they're decent drivers, so there's that.

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