Friday, December 26, 2014

Reasons Why I’d have left Jamie Fraser in 18th Century Scotland Faster than You Could Say…

Jamie Fraser The Glitter Globe S. R. Karfelt
The Glitter Globe by S. R. Karfelt

  • Hot Water. When it comes to choosing between hot loving and hot water, I might go with the former until I crippled myself, but eventually I’d cave like a snake in winter.
  • My Nose. You cannot take a 21st Century nose and shove it mercilessly into the 18th Century Highlands and not expect it to run. If there are legs attached, that nose is heading for a world full of antihistamines, deodorant and toothpaste.
  • My Hair. If you were born under a Big Hair Yeti Curse, you’d understand there is a maintenance schedule that must be adhered to. I’m not talking like Oh, wah wah I haven’t shaved in a week my legs are scratchy! I’m talking daily shaving or I run the risk of being darted and taking center stage at a Sasquatch festival. If I went a month without shaving, the entire Fraser clan would likely hunt me down and make a rug out of my pelt.
  • Electricity. In this instance I have a frame of reference. At least two weeks a year I go without electricity and while I enjoy my time in the bush, I enjoy returning to civilization even more. You shouldn’t ever forget that electricity is magic, and don’t even get me started on the wonder of toilets that flush.
  • The Supermarket. My Dear Hubby is a hunter/fisherman and I know how much work goes into it. I also live in the middle of farms and the Amish. Hunting and growing your own food is never ending work. I can see it happening from the windows in my office, besides I know in my heart I could love Jamie across time while I toss fresh tortillas, Pepper Jack cheese, and Avocados into my cart at Wegmans, just sayin’.
  • Medical Care. Admittedly I won’t take any prescription drugs, and I tend to only loosely follow what the doctor tells me based on how Google feels about it, but I like having options should any of my hardware or software decide to revolt, and I’d want the same thing for my loved ones.
  • Airplanes. Do you ever think about the fact that you can get on one of those and go anyplace in the world? Think about it.
  • And I’m already married. The degree that would come into play when competing against Jamie Fraser from Outlander, would rest entirely on whether or not it was hunting or fishing season. Hey, just keeping it real.

Oh, sure, I’d forever regret leaving Jamie once I returned to the 21st Century. Surely
The Glitter Globe Outlander A Covenant Keeper Novel Humor
S. R. Karfelt
he’d haunt me every waking moment and I’d never stop missing him. As a tribute I’d probably write a series of books about him and my madcap adventures in the past, just like I suspect Diana Gabaldon has done. 

Wait. Why can’t Jamie just come here anyway? Have you ever thought of that? I think we should ask Diana that.

Now what about you? What would be your reasons for leaving or would you stay with the kilted man of your dreams? Decisions, decisions. Should I stay or should I go now


  1. You list some of the same things I would! I love the idea of going back in time, especially if Jamie was involved, but I'd miss my Ipod and coffee maker.

    I also dream of going back to the Middle Ages and live in a castle but reality says NO! I'm sure it would be a disaster!!

  2. This made my morning. Of course, all time travel/ye olde days fantasy must rest on the idea of being nobility. Because then other people do the work for you...

  3. Colette - Right? I didn't even get into Smartphones, and think how much you'd miss Google when the answer to your question could very much be a matter of life and death!

    I have a healthy respect for the Middle Ages and I'm just thankful my ancestors survived it. Since I'm a product of prenatal vitamins and fortified milk, I doubt I'd fit into a castle as anything other than a 5'6" giantess.

    Still...if it involved a dragon for instance...I can see the draw...

  4. Carla - The nobility point is a good one and explains a lot of period pieces. It's all that stands between you and slavery in the past.

    Of course Claire and Jamie shift between living like savage outlaws and apartments in Paris. While highly romantic, I could only carry off that type of lifestyle change for a very brief period of time. Sooner or later my inner princess would rear her ugly head and act like a two-year-old at Disney.

    Probably your inner princess is better behaved...

  5. This seriously makes me giggle.

    I'm so in love with Outlander that I went on two walks yesterday. My rule is that I can only listen when I'm exercising. It's extremely motivation. Especially when there's a bloody wedding announced.

    Talk about a girl that knows how to do romance.

  6. I love what you listed...but my nose would just be picking up all of the rank and make me gag.

    Also, showers. I love to shower.
    And tempurpedic beds. Ain't no way my neck would survive their feather monstrosities.

    Oh and also I like clean, nice smelling men. So...there would be a problem from the get-go ;)

  7. -Allergies. I wouldn't be able to breathe with all those feather mattresses and rolls in the hay. Nothing kills the mood faster than snot.

    -Hand sanitizer. Thankfully the producers by and large have them fairly westernly clean for the love scenes. However, I don't want to know what's under their nails after a week on the trail.

    -Heat. In the books she says getting into the springs under the monastery was the first time she was warm since she got there. With peri-menopause I have two temperature settings: arctic or tropical. One has me wrapped in comforters wearing farmer socks, the other has me standing in front of the fridge. Jamie would snort (that's Scottish for 'wuss'.)

    Thankfully we CAN leave Jamie in the 17th century and still enjoy the ride as we huddle under our comforters, smelling of sanitizer and drugged up with zyrtec. :)