Friday, June 7, 2013
Reasons Not to Go
1. It’s a fishing camp and I don’t fish.
3. No electricity.
4. Two weeks in Alcatraz with dead fish.
5. With the men in my family.
6. My engineer husband will rig a generator to my laptop.
7. There is no cantina, meaning that we have to do all the cooking and cleaning. This means oatmeal and peanut butter on rice cakes for two solid weeks if I’m cooking.
8. They promise I won’t have to cook or clean. Based entirely on the fact that I’m not a complete idiot, I do not believe them.
I’m an incomplete idiot, which is
neither here nor there.
9. I don’t want to pack.
10. If I stay here, I could write all night, sleep till noon, and call people on the other side of the world in the middle of the night.
11. My book comes out in August, and I’ve only crossed one thing off the ‘promote your book’ list. Two if you count this post as telling the blogging world I have a book coming out August 15th.
12. All jogging paths in the bush double as bear trails.
13. Staying here could mean take-out for dinner every night, at least until I use up the entire grocery budget.
14. My not-so-smart phone doesn’t work there. Contrary to what we see in the movies, the entire planet does not have cell service. In fact the parking lot outside Verizon Wireless right here doesn’t even have cell service.
15. Zeus, our friendly neighborhood giant would house-sit for us. This means any intruders will be ground to make his bread, which is a total legal hassle. It also leaves a mess of epic proportions. Last year when he house-sat three villagers went missing, and a herd of cattle, or something.
Reasons to Go
1. Two weeks off, yeah baby! I mean does anything EVER get any better than that? What difference does it make where I’m going?
2. Two weeks of just writing. Last year I wrote an entire first draft of a novel in those two weeks. I also actually bruised my sitting area from…sitting for two weeks. Seriously, it was a chair shaped bruise. My doctor laughed so hard she had to sit down and wipe her eyes.
3. My engineer husband will rig a generator to my laptop. That means there is a really good chance I’ll get a new laptop, and I can write with a pencil and paper just as well in the meantime.
4. They promise I won’t have to cook or clean. Yes, I realize they’re lying, but I will definitely have to cook and clean here.
5. There is no cell service there. (I know this is on both lists. It’s bittersweet.)
6. Spending two weeks with people who live in the bush = story fodder for decades. I mean did I mention the bear slapping? Really, one time they drove their boat (there are no cars, only boats) past a swimming bear, and slapped him on the rump. What if I’m not there when that bear finds them? Let’s name that spanked bear Fifty, and you know you want to see his revenge on YouTube. I'd film it for you.
7. Could read as much as I want to! Though I would have to charge the kindle with the generator too…this item might be in the wrong column.
8. Crocodile Dundee wants me to go. He picked up fresh mosquito netting just for me. What says I love you like fresh mosquito netting?
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