Friday, June 7, 2013


Reasons Not to Go
1.      It’s a fishing camp and I don’t fish.
2.      Mosquitoes.
3.      No electricity.
4.      Two weeks in Alcatraz with dead fish.
5.      With the men in my family.
6.      My engineer husband will rig a generator to my laptop.
7.      There is no cantina, meaning that we have to do all the cooking and cleaning. This means oatmeal and peanut butter on rice cakes for two solid weeks if I’m cooking.
8.      They promise I won’t have to cook or clean. Based entirely on the fact that I’m not a complete idiot, I do not believe them. I’m an incomplete idiot, which is neither here nor there.
9.      I don’t want to pack.
10.  If I stay here, I could write all night, sleep till noon, and call people on the other side of the world in the middle of the night.
11.  My book comes out in August, and I’ve only crossed one thing off the ‘promote your book’ list. Two if you count this post as telling the blogging world I have a book coming out August 15th
12.  All jogging paths in the bush double as bear trails.
13.  Staying here could mean take-out for dinner every night, at least until I use up the entire grocery budget.
14.  My not-so-smart phone doesn’t work there. Contrary to what we see in the movies, the entire planet does not have cell service. In fact the parking lot outside Verizon Wireless right here doesn’t even have cell service.
15.  Zeus, our friendly neighborhood giant would house-sit for us. This means any intruders will be ground to make his bread, which is a total legal hassle. It also leaves a mess of epic proportions. Last year when he house-sat three villagers went missing, and a herd of cattle, or something.

Reasons to Go
1.      Two weeks off, yeah baby! I mean does anything EVER get any better than that? What difference does it make where I’m going?
2.      Two weeks of just writing. Last year I wrote an entire first draft of a novel in those two weeks. I also actually bruised my sitting area from…sitting for two weeks. Seriously, it was a chair shaped bruise. My doctor laughed so hard she had to sit down and wipe her eyes.
3.      My engineer husband will rig a generator to my laptop. That means there is a really good chance I’ll get a new laptop, and I can write with a pencil and paper just as well in the meantime.
4.      They promise I won’t have to cook or clean. Yes, I realize they’re lying, but I will definitely have to cook and clean here.
5.      There is no cell service there. (I know this is on both lists. It’s bittersweet.)
6.      Spending two weeks with people who live in the bush = story fodder for decades. I mean did I mention the bear slapping? Really, one time they drove their boat (there are no cars, only boats) past a swimming bear, and slapped him on the rump. What if I’m not there when that bear finds them? Let’s name that spanked bear Fifty, and you know you want to see his revenge on YouTube. I'd film it for you.
7.      Could read as much as I want to! Though I would have to charge the kindle with the generator too…this item might be in the wrong column.
8.      Crocodile Dundee wants me to go. He picked up fresh mosquito netting just for me. What says I love you like fresh mosquito netting?

We all know I’m not a math person, and there are twice as many reasons not to go, but I never let math have the last word. What do you think? Would you go? Do you ever make lists like this? What do you have to talk yourself into doing?


  1. Personally, I like fishing. And I like camping. I do not like piddling behind a tree. That's a deal breaker for me. So if there's something resembling indoor plumbing I'm cool. If there isn't - forget it.

  2. There are worse things than trees, Heretic.

    Google "composting toilets" and get back to me...

  3. I was raised by bears, so I'd definitely go if I were you. Besides, what meal sounds better than rice cakes with peanut butter for 14 days? Rice cakes with peanut butter for 21 days, that's what sounds better. Take some Capri Suns.

    You'll be fine.

  4. Katie - I really like the way you think. Do you think three jars would be enough? could change the cuisine up with rice cakes with and without salt...and brown rice ones....

    PS - I was raised by Wolves, we're practically related!

  5. I love this post....SO MUCH <3

  6. I could come visit for a few days! Which list does that go on?

    Also I had a dream the other night that you moved to Georgia. I was sad. What is that about?

  7. Oh and I ALWAYS have to talk myself into spending time with the sibling-in-laws. Actually the more difficult part is over-riding the voice that says "What are you thinking, for the love of God stay home! Do we have to replay the last visit for you?" It's a struggle, but I usually do my duty. Usually. Sometimes I get lucky and develop a sudden intestinal disturbance.

  8. Oh man I am not outdoorsy. I have so much fear/hate/dislike/distaste/disinterest in doing what you are suggesting. Obviously I'm a flat out "no".

    Besides, Clone, sparkly heels sink into those type of marshy areas. No good. That's the Beth side of me talking.

    Carole says she could kill a fish on her own and doesn't need the two weeks of outdoors to do it.

  9. Mel - You are definitely on the Stay list. Do not have Georgia on my mind. You know I'm a Siberian Winter, iceberg lovin', glacier hiking kinda girl.
    You can come hide here even when I'm gone. Just wear your giant repellent and sleep with one eye open. Zeus is house-sitting.

  10. Kelsey,

    These are my words of advice and I hope you will heed them.

    Never read Tarzan. That is how I ended up in this whole mess.

  11. Yes these words are very good for me

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