Thursday, February 28, 2013

I Love Being a Girl

Photo Credit:  Stephanie Karfelt

Tonight I waxed my own eyebrows. Yeah. 
Guess I need to get bangs.
And really big sunglasses.


Girl Facts:

Your eyebrows are fine. Leave them alone.

The adhesive in sanitary napkins only sticks to two things, and we both know that cloth isn't one of those.

Whoever put hooks in the back of sports bras obviously never really exercises/wears one.

Mascara will make you sneeze. I think it was formulated by a guy going through an ugly divorce.

That same guy designed baby strollers.

Lip plumper will get on your tongue.

Candy bars and diet soda just go together.
Like Salad and Cookies.

Your mother will drive you insane.
You will drive your mother insane.
(Maybe life is fair.)

Girls who say they can eat anything they want and not gain weight have no girlfriends.

Wearing black will turn you into a giant lint roller.
Wearing white will turn you into a magnet for muddy dogs and children who just ate Spaghettios.

Size “Large” is just fashion's way of saying you don’t fit in, Cow-Girl.
(Fashion is a mean-girl.)

Runway models make you realize that either you, or they, are on the wrong planet.

Thanks to HDTV your skin concludes my alien theory. You belong on Planet Pores in the Large Galaxy.

Mr. Darcy is just a guideline.
Real men do not talk like movie men.
Real women do not act like movie women, unless it involves alcohol – which could possibly alter the above statement too.

Good guys refuse to wear white hats and make your life easier.
Tall, dark, and handsome isn’t nature’s white hat. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Freshly painted nails will trigger Murphy’s Law.

A megalomaniac deviant billionaire boyfriend is hard to come by, and that is without doubt a good thing.

An ice-cold, blood-sucking vampire boyfriend isn’t hard to find, and that is a bad thing.

How about you? Do you have anything to add to my list of Girl Facts? Surely there are times in your day where you just want to look up at the sky and shout, "I love being a girl". Kind of like a movie woman would do. You don’t have to be a girl to get into the spirit of this thing either, but I cannot offer you any protection if you don't talk like a movie man. 
What Girl Facts has life taught you?


  1. Wear your goth earrings, your geek T's, your renaissance dresses, and your oversize hoodies. Life is too short to miss annoying the fashion obsessed.
    Be yourself, be unique. No one is going to remember carbon copy 4619-b.
    You can save hundreds of dollars a year by not wearing makeup. You also get to sleep an extra half hour in the morning.
    Just because you are a tom boy 6 days of the week doesn't mean you won't want to be a princess on the 7th.
    Your relationship status does not equal your worth. If you don't have enough personality to exist and be happy outside of a relationship, why would anyone want to be in one with you?
    Think about how little time you spend worrying about everyone else's appearance -- they are spending just as much time not worrying about yours.
    Cute socks can brighten a dreary day.

  2. If you have wet paint on your toes or fingers, you're bound to bump into something you normally would never come against.

    Wearing a skirt of a dress will inevitably happen on either a windy day, or a day where you get butterfingers and drop everything.

  3. -Cannot go anywhere alone...especially walk to the restroom.
    -A teenaged girl's best friend is inevitably going to be her most hated enemy--temporarily.
    -Can drool over other guys, but the boyfriend/husband may not, under any circumstances, even suggest that some other female is even sort of cute.
    -Suntanning is an endurance sport.
    -Can steer a car with their left knee while putting on makeup, talking on the phone and eating breakfast.
    -ANYTHING that is littler than typical is "cute."
    -Have never taken off a shirt in their lives by pulling the collar over their heads. It is in their DNA to cross their arms in front and lift from the bottom. This makes no sense to any man ever--in history.
    -Will carry a giant purse JUST to have access to chapstick.
    -Have the innate ability to snap their gum 30 times in a second.
    -LOVE puppies (they're cute).

  4. LOL, Jeff! I never thought about that shirt thing! Why do we do that?

    Women have the amazing ability to walk into a place, scan it for potential hazards, locate the safest place to put their kid, hug and greet a friend, be able to describe every stranger with in 50 foot radius, while talking on the phone and snap their gum 900 times all with in 30 seconds.


  5. LaDonna - Girls do the shirt pull off thingy so they don't wreck their hair (or rip it out by the roots). Can you even grab your back collar without getting handfuls of hair?
    Jeff - You have valid points, all of which are highly defensible like the shirt thingy.

  6. Heretic - This theme would work well at both a poetry slam, and open mike night at a hipster coffee house - where you would earn snaps.
    *snap* *snap*

  7. Kelsey - And with that paint on you'd also get an uncontrollable urge to scrub the sink. I don't know why, it just happens like that.
    Dresses are awesome though, they can turn a fat day into a looking good day!

  8. DMKilgore - Pantyhose pretty much says it all. Notice how there is not one risque movie scene in the history of the world where a woman is wrestling with her pantyhose.

  9. Yay! I get snaps.
    And Jeff - I think you just described me, only opposite. Then again, most of my friends are guys so it'd be a bit weird bringing them to the bathroom.
    I do like puppies, though. :P