Saturday, August 18, 2012

First and Last Dates

Photo Credit: Clarita/Morgue Files

The first time Juan asked me out he stood me up. He was immediately written off. The Glitter Globe offered no second chances for this type of violation. So later that night when he knocked on the door, I took a moment to prepare myself mentally for the scathing reception he was about to receive. Opening the door, there he stood in the porch light covered in blood, his hand in a cast of some sort and his arm in a sling. Cheater. I totally caved. Completely fell for his excuse. You know, the old “My car caught on fire in an under-ground garage. I thought the gas tank was going to explode and it was parked next to dozens of other cars. I tried to pull the fire alarm, but that thing you break the glass with was missing. I had to use my hand. By the time the fire department came, my car was completely engulfed in flames – the tires even melted. I would have called you then, except they took me to the hospital. I had to have surgery on my right hand, and the left was burned so I couldn’t use the phone even afterwards. Can I borrow your car?”  Yeah, I know. I was so naïve. But, hey, the next time was a pity date!

Juan enjoyed hiking and wanted to take me. He asked if I liked nature. I absolutely love flowers, and that’s part of nature, right?  And I’d hiked around a castle in a nearby park at least twice!  We had so much in common!  “Sure,” I said, “I’m very outdoorsy.”

In order to reach the bottom of the mountain, we had to cross a railroad trestle. Halfway over I was told to hurry, just in case a train came. 

Then we had to crawl over the face of a little cliff under a bit of a waterfall. It totally wrecked my hair.

After that it got hard, climbing up a mountain. Grabbing onto a skinny sapling to haul myself upward, it came out of the ground and I slid downhill a ways. Lost a shoe too, well, it fell off when that happened. Then I lost it throwing it at my date. It started to rain then, and despite the exertion from the climb, it was cold. We took refuge beneath an overhang in the rock. I scooted deeper inside the nook to avoid the blowing rain, but was told not to, due to the rattlesnakes that tended to inhabit that spot. This was so our last date. At that very moment my BFF was enjoying Mackinac Island – or someplace equally as civilized that involved fudge – with her boyfriend. I thought about that a lot as I climbed.

We crested the top of the mountain, me flat on my stomach, scrabbling over the ledge. It occurred to me at that point that we had to now get down. I’d almost decided to push my date off the mountain, to test that exit strategy, when I heard rustling in the bushes. It was getting dark at this point, but I could see men hiding there. They were dressed in military fatigues. Juan nodded sagely. “That’s just the National Guard. They practice up here on weekends.”  Dang. Witnesses.

The National Guard hadn’t climbed up the way we had. They took the road. Yep. There was a road, and I started marching down it, arms crossed, in that cold silence that most men of dating age are quite familiar with. A truck pulled up alongside us within minutes, offering a ride back to town. There was heat in it. I huddled over that heater and Juan said, “Have you ever been skiing?”  Skiing?  I hadn’t, but I’d seen people do it in movies. “Because I was wondering if you’d like to go skiing with me sometime?  This winter?”  He smiled his terrific smile. “Sure, I’ll go skiing with you,” I promised. I had always wanted to try skiing. People were always smiling when they did it in the movies. I wondered if ski lodges had fudge. Pictures of roaring fires, ski lifts and fun filled my head. How hard could it be?


  1. Darn those witnesses. ;)

    Memorable dates, eh? Well there was that guy that picked me up in his Porsche, showed me his mansion, talked endlessly about his immense financial profile... sounds perfect, yes?

    I asked him if he could two-step, he said, "No." Date over.

    I'm not that kind of girl.

  2. Seriously, Steph? This isn't fiction? You've got to be kidding me! Oh my word!

    So when do we get to hear about the ski date? :D

    I once had an old pastor's sun show up at our door out of the blue. His dad had sent him to see me. Hmm... I was going on a youth trip to a theme park. What was I to do? He ended up tagging along and my friends criticized me for ignoring him too much. Well, what was I to do? I tried talking to him. He's quiet. I wanted to spend time enjoying the trip with my friends, too. I don't remember what happened once we returned home. I just know he left and I never heard from him again. I was too relieved to feel very sorry for him. Don't get me wrong. He seemed like a sweet guy. I just didn't know what to do with him. I had no clued what his intentions were and he wasn't very forthcoming. So that was that.

  3. I haven't dated much,I don't flirt and am not really sure how. I'm the girl whose mouth drops open when her perfectly normal friend mutates into a silly, blinky-eyed, seductress when a cute guy walks into the room. I just don't get it. I am amazed by it, but I just don't get it.

    Anyway, my dates have all been pretty snooze worthy, except for one guy in Alaska. He was a couple of years younger than me, but we had a crush thing going back and forth. One night he asked me if I wanted to see the water tower.
    "Okay." We set out hiking up the dirt road in the pitch black night of Soldotna, Alaska. A drizzling sleet began to fall and I assumed we would head back to the house. Nope. We continued to the water tower and started climbing the metal ladder in the freezing sleeting rain. I got about half way and decided, I didn't really want to impress this boy that much. (Besides how impressive would it be if I ended up a greasy splat on the pavement below?) I stopped climbing, he went on a little higher and coaxed me up to him. The sleet stopped, and the Northern Lights started. I clung to the rung, shivering, but was fascinated by my first and last Aurora Borealis. I never found out if he planned it or if it was just a lucky coincidence. Most memorable date, ever.


  4. Donna Michelle - I'd ask if Mr. Porsche wasn't capable of learning the two-step, but he sounds like a perfect waste of time. *yawn* I'd say you're the right kind of girl!

  5. Linnette R. Mullin
    It is not fiction. While I write Urban Fantasy, The Glitter Globe is full of stranger than truth fact.
    Of course you'll get to hear about the ski date. The dating blog is a series, could be a book...hmmm ;)
    Out of the Blue with The Pastor's Son would make an excellent book title, don't you think?

  6. Dear Anonymous LaDonna - Know the girls you're talking about, and they are no fun on girl's night out. I LOVE your Aurora Borealis story! Please, please write a blog about it (or flash fiction and throw a zombie in) and link it to my wall on Facebook? K?

  7. oh the awkward stories I could tell...ones that only my immediate family know about...

  8. Oh come on Jill. Awkward is one of my hobbies. We're all friends here.

  9. I once had a guy try and insist that he pay. At McDonald's. Yes. Big spender type. I had no interest, but he made a scene right there while the poor cashier was deciding whether to ask if we wanted fries with that. I felt a little guilty, wondering if I could find a way to "fall in love" with this seemingly perfect package. [Perfect husband resume on paper type] Was super relieved when my bff gave me the green light to drop him like a hot potato. Not even two weeks later, I met the love of my life. Who proposed two years later! :) -Fun Post Steph!! Glad you survived that INSANE hike to tell us about it! :) -Raj

  10. Dates. Hmm...I had a guy take me out to dinner once. We were in our teens and the restaurant turned out to be fancier than either of us would ever have desired, so we bolted after ordering our sodas :)

    That's my dating first and last date, I think. There were other "almost" dates...that area of hanging out just before I started "going out" with a guy when I was a younger youngster.

    I have to tell you...I look forward to a real, legitimate date, where a guy takes me out with the understanding that yes, it IS a date! What fun that will be....I'll tell you stories then :)

  11. Weird dates, I have a catalog of 'em. How about the rich guy I'd been dating for about three months, a fun guy, I really liked him, was waiting to see if it grew beyond that. One day he told me about his family's farm in New Jersey horse country, the mansion in Short Hills, the condo on the beach in Oahu, etc., etc. Then he handed me my birthday gift. A $10 gift certificate to Barnes & Noble!

  12. This is the one I want Stephanie...this is the one I would like to see guested.