Friday, February 19, 2016

Redefining Myself as a Bitch Witch

S.R. Karfelt/The Glitter Globe

Last summer I made a late night run to Target. Just before the store closes is my favorite shopping time. Is that an introvert thing? As I tossed bags into the back of my little Jeep I glanced up at a spectacular blue moon rising over the parking lot. My first thought was that that moment would make a spectacular opening scene for a book.

Within minutes I had the story for Bitch Witch

I raced home to get online and see if it was already out in the world. It wasn’t. I contacted my agent/publisher that night and asked, “Can I use Bitch Witch as a book title?” Since I wrote the book and it’s now available for pre-sale, I’m guessing that you can tell what their answer was.

Contemporary, Women's Fiction, Bitch Witch, S.R. Karfelt, books
S.R. Karfelt/The Glitter Globe

This book was a delight to write. It’s about Sarah Elizabeth Archer. She comes from a long line of dark witches. Only Sarah doesn’t want to be evil. She doesn’t want to lose her soul to dark matter like all the women in her family. So she tries not to cast. The only problem is when Sarah gets mad, all bets are off.

Thus the title. Sorry, mom.

Writing is my bag. Story slips with me into my dreams at night and scenes wake me in the morning. I stand at my desk in my office and write into the wee hours. With this book I laughed out loud as I wrote. It wrote itself. I love stories of redemption. I adore taking an unlikeable person and falling in love with them. If Bitch Witch has a moral—beyond never piss off a witch—it’s that anyone can choose the life they want. It’s never too late, and it doesn’t matter where you come from.

You just have to be willing to accept the consequences. That’s the hard part. Sometimes that’s the impossible part.

So here we go. I’ve written a story about a witch. She’s not nice. She swears. She does what she wants, says what she wants, and eats what she wants. And she pays the price, because as Sarah says in the book, absolutely nothing in life is free, and that includes favors from the dark side.

One of the oddest side effects of being a fiction writer is when people dissect my writing to define me. Am I a bitch witch? Am I an ancient immortal warrior? Am I a female assassin with voices in her head? Am I a woman who can create tesseracts and bring stories to life? The answer is yes, I am all of them, and so many more. How about you? What defines you?


Thursday, February 11, 2016

Reasons Why it’s Good to Marry an Engineer, Reasons Why it's Good to Marry an Engineer
S.R. Karfelt/The Glitter Globe

  • They can answer your science questions faster than Wikipedia. More in-depth too. 
  • They can make fast-talking salesmen cry what with all their logic and ability to bottom line math IN THEIR HEAD. 
  • If something breaks they can MacGyver it faster than you can say DUCT TAPE.
  • Being with a logical Mr./Mrs. Spock-ish spouse is reassuring in an illogical world. You can count on logic.
  • An engineer can get you to the moon, build you a bridge, and heat your house. When it's time to tackle some assembly required, they've got you covered.
  • When they fix YOUR CAR with duct tape and tell you that it is FUCTIONALLY CORRECT, you can threaten to eat all the cake and still be FUNCTIONALLY CORRECT.
  • You never have to worry about keeping your computer running smoothly because their Engineer OCD wants to do it all. 
  • Shortly after the wedding you’ll get your OWN computer because you are getting your Computer Clueless all up in their computer. 
  • When you majorly eff up your computer, you have access to 24/7 tech support in your language.
  • No matter how logical they are, an engineer's problem solving skills are out of this world. It practically borders on creativity. 
  • Engineering demands patience and teamwork, so they're already broken in for marriage.
  • If you have children with an engineer, most of them will be born knowing their math facts (saves time) and all episodes of Star Trek (side effect).
  • You can save loads of $ because your engineer will want a go at fixing things before you call in the professionals. "$600?! Why I can fix that with some string and a paperclip for nothing!"
  • Occasionally you will be awoken by the late night trimmings and trappings of electronics communicating with the mothership. This isn’t a good thing, but it will make sure your life never gets boring.
  • When you swear at the electronics for waking you, at least some of it will apologize. Out loud. (Come on, that’s just cool.)
  • You’re part of Skynet now. Okay, not literally, but metaphorically with literal possibilities. How can that be good? Surely Skynet will have a soft spot for the kin of its creators. (Or a back door program.) You hope.
  • Empathetic people and logical engineers make fabulous matches. One can explain inexplicable human emotion. The other can give you the stats on why you don’t need to stress over the illogical zombie apocalypse—or any other illogical human worry.
  • My engineer once practically saved my life by logic-ing out a medical misdiagnosis. Plus there were all those other times he arrived just in a nick of time with duct tape, string, and a paperclip to save the day.

S.R. Karfelt, Engineering, Functionally Correct
S.R. Karfelt
S.R. Karfelt has been doing time with her enginerd spouse for more than a couple of decades now. She still likes to kiss him and ask how things work. Sometimes she pretends to focus on the entire answer before responding with, "Oh, magic then?" He always confirms, "Yep. Magic."

Sure you could marry someone that you have everything in common with, but where's the fun in that? You're going to spend your entire life liking what you like, why not open yourself up to the adventure of new ideas and worlds?

Expand your world. Love an engineer.

Tuesday, February 2, 2016

If Life is a Learning Process, I Can Check These Off My List..., The Glitter Globe, Author, S.R. Karfelt
S.R. Karfelt/The Glitter Globe

The Best Part About Being a Grown-Up Who’s Consumed Decades of Life Force is

  • I call bullshit on stuff. Like. Out loud.
  • If the mood strikes me, I will dance. However and whenever.
  • Criticisms only occasionally interest me.
  • Dear Compound Interest, I can math a little bit. I don’t want you in my life.
  • If you’ve betrayed me in the past, you need not apply.
  • Of course I forgive, I’ve just feng shui’d the non-trustworthy out of today.
  • I’d rather eat the cake and have to walk thirty miles as penance, than not eat the cake. Cake-filled life is a balancing act.
  • Less is definitely more, and frees up SO MUCH TIME FOR PLAY.
  • If you’re being friendly just to sell me something, I don’t have even sixty seconds to gift you.
  • Be honest with me and I will respect you. Be genuine too, and I just might love you.
  • I can go days without judging people, and I don’t like to play with people who can't stop.
  • I’d rather know what you’re up to than your neighbor or family.
  • Wallowing in fear and negativity isn't my favorite pastime. It surprises me how many people enjoy it.
  • We’re all going to die. It’s a firmly established fact. Now, let’s talk about something interesting.
  • If you laugh at my nakedness I might follow you with it. (That’s metaphorical.) (Probably.)
  • My need to impress anyone with the flashy, shiny, upgraded version died years ago. Sell it elsewhere.
  • Things no longer impress me, but people do.
  • Beauty isn’t skin deep, it’s heart deep, and I have the ability to see it everywhere. You too?
  • Turns out cool is subjective and boring. Vulnerability and nerdiness is my thing. 
  • What doesn’t kill you does make you stronger. I hope I don’t miscalculate.
  • Yes, I do sometimes generalize. It streamlines my days, but whenever my generalizations are incorrect, it's somehow thrilling.
  • My competence rarely interferes with play time. 
  • Yep I could pay the extra by using easy financing INSTEAD of getting a fair price up front, *coughs BULLSHIT* but I know the more I owe, THE MORE I OWE. DER.
  • Yes. I could vote for you and your freshly minted demi-god propaganda OR I could wait for karma to infest your colon like all the demi-gods before you.
  • Colors are brighter, the air is sweeter, and the fun is funner. Maybe it’s me.
  • Maybe I could impress you by paying too much for your gadgets and gizmos, but I have a plenty already.
  • I can love your hinges loose, or rattle them loose. Your call.
  • I may have consumed decades of life force, but I’m young enough to REMEMBER them all!
Maybe I should add,
  • There’s always room for revisions.

Because one thing I’ve noticed about life is that it’s always changing. After all your decades, what can you add to the list?