Friday, October 26, 2012

Creep Out



Comrade cannot bear to have her neck touched, a fact which delights all those near and dear to her. She seizes up and makes very distinctive and admittedly amusing sounds. It is a very public Achilles heel, easily accessible whether she’s lecturing a kid, or singing in the choir. A gentle touch against the neck and she curls up like a pill bug and emits a noise something like an inward sneeze. If squeaky toy manufacturers could replicate it, they’d make a fortune in Chihuahua sales alone.

Angel is into extreme sports. I’m talking sea-kayaking in some of the roughest, shark-infested water on the planet, cliff-climbing, bungee-jumping, surfing, sky-diving and crawling through pitch-black, unexplored caves with a flashlight clenched between her teeth. I’ve seen her lean against the glass wall of a skyscraper, looking down at the city below, and say, “I would love to be able to jump this.”  The woman is fearless. Unless you look her right in the eye, lean towards her and say, “Rawr.”  She cries. Oh, she laughs while she cries too, but it creeps her out every single time. I don’t mean shout it either, I mean a conversational “Rawr”.
George is a big, burly lumberjack, He-Man, Master of his Universe kind of guy. Fells trees, hunts animals that can hunt back, a general nuisance in public places while fearlessly (and loudly) defending his habits, hobbies and opinions. If a baby or child excretes anything in George’s vicinity, George gets sick. Once Mrs. George explained his sad condition to me, I did not buy it. Certain that this was George’s way of escaping less than pleasant tasks, I decided to test him. It wasn’t pretty, talk about an experiment gone awry. I’ll spare you the gory details beyond I believe him now.

Maybe it says something about me, that I keep this mental list. I like to think that it is a writer thing. Mostly. In my defense I have never touched Comrade’s neck, nor said “Rawr” to Angel. Still, I am not above playing with kryptonite when it amuses me. Dear Hubby worked in electronics for years, so he’s highly sensitive to being shocked, because it’s happened so many times. At least once a winter I’ll zip through the house in my wool socks, and discover the air is nice and dry and everything I touch will spark brilliantly. Even though I know that the penalty will be grave, I still have to do it. Yep, I sneak up behind my kind and patient husband, and touch his ear. He’s a very forgiving man, but even if I end up outside in the snow, wet, it was still worth it, and I can’t even say why.

Maybe it is going out on a limb to say that most of humanity probably shares a top ten list of things that creep us out, though the movie marquees at Halloween tend to back up this theory. I’m not referring to those creep-outs. I’m talking about those little peculiarities we harbor as individuals. The elderly person who wears her shirts inside out because she doesn’t like seams touching her, your friend who can’t watch you put in contact lenses because it creeps her out so much (and you never say, “What’s this?” and touch your eyeball when she looks), or the kid who is so ticklish that you can’t put socks on him without a wrestling match. What is your particular or favorite little creep-out?  Feel free to rat out your family and friends if you like.
Photo Credit:  Stephanie Karfelt

The Epic Slinky Dog giveaway continues here at The Glitter Globe. I can tell you Slinky Dog’s creep-outs. There are two, hot-dog buns and that springy sound his tail makes if you keep messing with it. If you’d like an Epic Slinky Dog of your very own, leave me an awesome tale of a little creep-out (and follow my blog) and maybe I’ll send you one. Be sure to check back, to see if you won!  I post winners in the comment section.

9 comments:

Stephanie Pazicni Karfelt said...

*crickets*

Kelsey-plain and simple said...

Do I start with me or someone else...
I hate Velvet. People tell me it's soft and luxurious, but to me it's what nails on a chalkboard mixed with knives FEELS like.
No joke. My sister used to come up and tell me to feel something soft and I always fell for it. Now I have trust issues ;). Velvet makes me want to curl up and cry. It's creepy.

My brother hates mannequins. They freak him out. I think it's because we went to Denver when he was three and he saw his first live mannequin. He said hi and she turned and smiled back. He hasn't been the same since.

My dad can't handle twins. Ever since the Shining. Can't do it.

Ill tell on myself again. I have to get where I'm going without being seen. The idea of being "caught" when someone is coming gets to me. Through doors, down stairs, around corners...it has to be a contributor to how klutzy I am.

Stephanie Pazicni Karfelt said...

Oh my gosh Kelsey! Velvet? That is actually awesome. Cotton or silk are the only fabrics worthy, everything else is creepy, so I get it.
I think I love your family. You might need to get back to Hogwarts and work on your apparating.
Just a thought.

rhollidaywrites said...

Yes, Steph. Crickets. Black, shiny, randomly jumpy and they'll gang up on things and eat them (not kidding, total diff story). I hate crickets. They freak me out. I got over my freakishness about moths but crickets need to go back to their origins. Crickets = hellspawn.

Idiosyncrasy though...I can't figure out my handwriting style. It changes continuously. I finally settled on a signature that I like, but regular writing, there's no telling. I'm sure a handwriting expert would have a field day with me. It drives me batty. I'm obsessive about it. Seriously. I'm also very peculiar about fonts. I still can't find a WP theme that I like because none go with the fonts I want. Yeah, it's bad.

Oh, and I collect oddities. Not like fetal pigs in jars, but much like my music collection, it's eclectic to say the least.

Stephanie Pazicni Karfelt said...

Fetal pigs - bwahahaha - You can buy those at Carolina.com (should you ever change your mind on that btw).
Rob - Crickets in the rest of the universe are not as creepily disgusting as where you live. I know this because when I went house shopping where you live, I slammed the first door shut and shouted at the realtor, "WHAT was that?" She peeked inside and said, "Just a cricket." Someone needs to get out the glue, because I think there is a crack in the earth's crust down there where Hell Crickets and Fire Ants are slipping through.
(My favorite Steel Magnolia line is, "You've got the handwriting of a serial killer.") I wonder if that kind of handwriting is a writer thing. I do it too. One sentence could involve many styles, cursive, print, caps. Next writer's conference I say we conduct an experiment! Fonts are important. Know what is depressing? You have only two choices when submitting. Times New Roman/Courier. I have entire novels ruined converted into those fonts. So I feel your pain.

rhollidaywrites said...

The only time I can deal with those two fonts is using Final Draft with my thesis projects since Courier is the industry standard and to stray from it is to disgrace oneself.

The funny thing about my handwriting is that I'm most comfortable in all lower case, esp with my name. I'm in on the experiment.

As for that escape hatch from the inferno, yep, it's there for sure. How is it that the dang ants and crickets can't eat each other and cancel the other out? Stupid out of balance ecosystem.

jennifer pomp said...

Well nothing really creeps me ou and I think it's because I work on a nut unit, some interesting stories there:) My mother on the other had was very creeped out by rain, lighting, and thunderstorms. I'm not sure why but it was bad. She had a closet that she had spare food, blankets, flashlights, pillows, you name it, it was in there. Everytime there was a storm she would sleep in there even if it was for 2 days. She would only come out to use the restroom.

I have a very good friend that eats fruit with gloves on. The texture of an orange freaks her out to were she looks horrified.

My 13 year old son Nick screams like a girl ever time he see's a spider. Depending how big it is he might even start shaking. He's 5'8 and is around 195lbs. Even flooded his bathroom trying to kill it with water instead of his hand. Oh did I mention he wants a snake though. lol

Miriam Timmer said...

This isn't that odd since I know lots of people do not like them but I am freaked out by clowns. They scare the crap out of me. When I was watching a Santa Claud parade with friends in my first year of university, there were clowns that came up to us and started handing out candy canes. I started crying and had to cover my eyes. I even shook. It was really embarrassing. I can watch movies that might have a clown in them so I have to find out before I watch them. It's pathetic but I hate hate hate them with a passion.

Miriam Timmer said...

I meant Claus and I can't watch movies with clowns in them. My phone seems to hate me sometimes :p