Thursday, August 9, 2012

Mouse Trap



It feels like a mouse crawled into my ear. It didn’t die though, because sometimes I can hear it swallow. Wonder what type of doctor specializes in that?  Refusing to allow a stray rodent to keep me from my novel any longer, I got out of my sickbed and started moving some commas around. You don’t have to be able to hear from both ears to work on your novel.

Despite rumors to the contrary, apparently I do some housework, because the landscape sure changed around here in the last ten days. I didn’t have the energy to double check, but I’m pretty sure that every dish was dirty. My buddy, Zeus, stopped by for lunch. He was disappointed to find that my illness had kept me from keeping enough food in the house to satisfy a giant. Thanks to my loved ones though, there was enough canned soup for just that purpose. I told him about my ear mouse, and we tossed around the likelihood of medical intervention providing any relief. I’ve become a firm believer that, like in the case of a jury trial, you need to provide physical evidence of your complaint when you see a doctor. You know, like a missing or broken limb, oozing, or at least having the decency to faint a bit. I doubt I could provide the mouse. Zeus considered this theory, and said, “Look at you!  Trust me - they’ll believe you’re sick!”  Sometimes I worry that Zeus will never get married. For the record, I was planning to shower today – well – at least I decided to after he said that. Zeus then urged me to get some groceries, insisting that I’d blend just fine at Walmart. If he does get married, I’ll bet he disappears.
The Doctor did confirm the whole ear-mouse theory. Well, okay, she called it fluid in the eustachian tube, but she can't feel it! She told me it might take three months to get better. I am not satisfied with this prognosis - so I'm looking for home remedies while brushing up on my sign language. So far I've tried blasting him out with my iPod.  I couldn't hear it, and I suspect neither could the mouse because he didn't even move, let alone dance out. Tried running and yoga hoping to knock him loose. The only thing that happened with that is I needed a twelve hour nap after, and I think he ate while I napped because I'm pretty sure he's bigger. Please feel free to post your ideas!
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The Epic Slinky Dog Giveaway continues!  Leave a blog comment. Every time I get five new followers, I draw from those who left a comment. They're going so fast - well - fast as Slinky Dogs can go.  Okay, that's not very fast, but two went out just this week!  Woo-hoo! 

12 comments:

Donna Michelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Donna Michelle said...

No one told you about the sick elf? He comes when you are down and out and his chief goal is to eat all your food, dirty every dish in the house, wear everyone's clothes, multiply the dust bunnies, and cast a "You Look Like Warm Poo" spell on you while you drift in and out of painful consciousness! I bet he also put the mouse in your ear too. The only way to get rid of the sick elf is to buy a large rabid monkey. They like their fried peanut butter and banana sandwiches with a side of sick elf, ya know. ^.^

Stephanie Rae Pazicni said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stephanie Rae Pazicni said...

I never got the memo about the Sick Elf! Dang it! I will not fall for the large rabid monkey cure because #1) All monkeys are rabid B) I had a pet monkey once and I still bear the scars and III) Nothing that Sick Elf can do around here can compare to what one monkey can do.
PS - If you see the Sick Elf, please have him come back and get the mouse out of my ear. I think it might have eaten one of those fried PB&Banana sandwiches, he's been burping a lot today.

Anonymous said...

I feel so much better about your musings in TRE after reading this blog. Whewsh! I was planning how to call the state hospital in Iceland. Hope you are mouse free soon. I just hate rodents, no matter what body part they move into.

LaDonna

Princess Lahoma said...

Is it a real problem with your ear or did I miss something? Is put the swimmers war drops in your ears to see if if dries up the noise.

Stephanie Rae Pazicni said...

Dear Princess Leia/Lahoma - It is a problem inside the eustachian tube, which is on the other side of the ear drum.
Loved you in Star Wars ;)
Wonder if the Death Star could remove ear mice?

Stephanie Rae Pazicni said...

LaDonna - The State Hospital in Iceland doesn't even give stickers for Ear-Mice, don't send me back.

Lynnell Koehler said...

Maybe you could get an ear cat. :-)

Stephanie Rae Pazicni said...

Lynnell - Perish all thoughts of an ear cat. The purring would really get on my nerves.

rh said...

Have you tried baiting it with ear cheese? I mean, I know it sounds gross, but so does an ear mouse. Just leave the q-tips aside for a day or two, find an ear mouse trap (thinking some sort of tweezers-based apparatus) and sit still...

On the other hand, I have a friend who was given to terrible ear aches and water behind the ear and she saw a chiropractor. She went in after an unbearable week of feeling like she had a draining bottle in her ear- one adjustment and voila! It came out, no more ear issues. Can't say I know it works from a personal perspective, but I've heard testimonials...

Stephanie Rae Pazicni said...

rh - Think I'd wear mouse traps for earrings and visit a witch doctor at this point. A chiropractor is definitely worth a try.