Saturday, February 14, 2015

Valentine’s Day All By My Onesie – Again

Author S. R. Karfelt, The Glitter Globe
The Glitter Globe/S. R. Karfelt

Doesn’t that just sound pathetic?

It isn't. 

But once again I’m spending Valentine’s Day by myself. Like my single friends I’ll spend the day sans chocolate and flowers. There’s one difference between my single friends and me though, I’m not single.

For the past 800,000,000 years I’ve been married to a terrific guy. Dear Hubby spoils me, but he does not do romance. In fact, if there is such a thing as Romantic Blindness (I picture it as being similar to color blindness) he has it.

This conversation has been going on between us since the Jurassic Period.
Me, “Valentine’s Day is the 14th!”
Dear Hubby, *Radio Silence*
Me, “Did you hear me?”
DH, “Yes. Get yourself something if you want something.”


For years I thought he just didn’t get it. It only counted if he presented me with a gift. I gave Valentine gifts to my kids and friends, and I’d show him what I got them hoping he’d become inspired. Hint hint.

Did it work? Nope.

There were even times I tried the passive aggressive approach. You know, I’d go buy myself something lovely or something extra special and a bit out of budget. I’ll even admit that I sent myself a gigantic centerpiece for the dining room table at least once. Know what Dear Hubby said? “That’s nice, but flowers are just going to die.”

Sigh. So are you, my look would say. He just didn't even try to get it!

Believe me there were times I told him straight up. I really tried to speak his language.

Me, “I want you to buy me something for Valentine’s Day.”
Dear Hubby, *Radio Silence*
Me, “Did you hear me?”
Dear Hubby, “Yes. What do you want?”
Me, “I don’t care. A Valentine gift.”
Dear Hubby, “But you don’t even need anything. Why do I have to go to the store to buy a thing just because a card company made up a holiday?”
Me, “Because it’s a tradition and I’d know that you love me if you did it.”
Dear Hubby, *Radio Silence while he digests this* “You don’t know I love you?”
Me, *Radio Silence* “Yes, but I’d like a Valentine gift too.”
Dear Hubby, “If you want something just go get what you want.”

Sigh. He just did not get it.  

Let me interject right here that this is a man who I can wake up at 2:00 a.m. to fix a computer problem when I’m writing all night. He’ll get right up and magic a fix without complaining. He’s always there when I need him. He almost never steals the Ben & Jerry’s Karamel Sutra I hide behind the frozen veggies, and he never tries to rewire my quirks the way I try to correct his.

Sigh. It took me a few millennia to realize that I was the one who didn’t get it.

If Valentine’s Day is about love, I’m one of the lucky ones. I have that. Love just doesn’t always look like a commercial or a Hallmark movie. It’s not always neat and polished, in fact it rarely is. It’s messy and it’s loud and it’s real, and sometimes it puts live bait in the refrigerator during fishing season. Sometimes it goes to the Outdoor Sportsman show to buy fishing poles on Valentine’s weekend while I write all night in a writer cave far far away.

Is your love, or even your idea of love Happily Ever After textbook? Is it all wine and roses? Or better yet chocolate? Does it ever look like what the marketers are selling? I want to know. Because I think the illusion sets us up for frustration! Tell me how you feel about Valentine’s Day? And whether you’re single or in a relationship be sure to enter my Rafflecopter giveaway for a chance to win some Godiva chocolate covered strawberries, an Amazon gift card, or a katar dagger necklace—because I’ll play traditional Valentine with you even if no one else will. 


  1. You make life happy :) (I know I posted this on facebook already, but you just make so much happiness, it had to be said again!)

  2. Thank you, Mirdala! That's the best compliment I've ever gotten. <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

    But you still have to answer the question. What do YOU think of Valentine's Day?

  3. Single here. Valentine's Day is usually the day I avoid Facebook and social media public expressions of how wonderful Susie's husband is today compared to the other 364 days that she complains about him. :) I'll write, cook, do something amazing, eat some chocolate, because I can. Go for a walk. Connect with friends and my kids. Come home and write some more. The perfect day, actually. :)

  4. LaDonna - It sounds like a perfect day to me too, and I don't blame you for avoiding social media. I'm not single, but some part of me always goes "there". "We're just not doing this right according to Facebook." LOLOL

  5. I try not to roll my eyes at some of the gushy posts I see on Valentine's Day. (I'm probably heartless and have no soul.) My husband doesn't generally get me things on V-Day, and I'm cool with it.

  6. I love Valentine's Day! I'm such a romantic. I really don't care to hear what anyone else is doing, because that's irrelevant. As long as there are movies on and I smell flowers (they don't have to be for me, but I love when they are for me) then I'm good.
    Today I made cookies. Next I go to work. Not exciting, but it'll do for me :)

  7. I always try not to judge a book by its cover.

  8. Hey Kelsey - Hope you watch a good movie (I'm going with Ten Things I Hate About You) and get some flowers then!
    And yum, cookies! I got myself a heart shaped one from Panera!

  9. Hi Nataly! I try not to too, but I might pass if the cover is really bad! Thanks for swinging by!

  10. I used to think this way in a galaxy long ago. And then I came across a fanastic quote (not sure who it is by) and it sayd, "Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you think they should love you, doesn't mean they don't love you."

    Which is basically what you just said. Your Dear Hubby is fantastic. We are all wired different. What is super important to someone, isn't to another.

    Thanks for blogging this and sharing something that will help so many see into your awesome insight :)

  11. ^^Points to above comment. *Bangs head on keyboard*

    Just ignore all of those typos. I hate when gremlins just wander over and pop them in like that! ;)

  12. Joni - Gremlins are a serious problem. I have them too. Perhaps I should blog on that? The only way I can get rid of them is sleep. These all night writes really affect typos, not to mention increase my penchant for staring into space and mentally starting a new book instead of finishing the one I'm currently working on!

    I really love that quote btw, the one about "Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you think they should love you, doesn't mean they don't love you" is brilliant. Because it's true, and it would solve a lot of problems if we really understood that!

  13. I'm not super into V-Day, but I like to do a little something special. Mostly we use it as an excuse to get/do something we wanted to get/do anyways.

  14. That works, Ashley!I used it as an excuse to have a heart-shaped Panera cookie. :D