Saturday, January 19, 2013

Dumb Things I Did in Las Vegas

Photo Credit:  Stephanie Karfelt

What happens in Vegas doesn’t stay in Vegas if you’re a blogger, especially if you use that fact as an excuse to fly your freak flag a bit. If you like to gamble, you might think it is dumb that I didn’t. All those miles of casinos were just in my way. Granted the bulk of the dumb things might have happened anywhere. Like going to Starbucks too much to drink decaf espresso, buying a sparkly new key-chain every day, or worse, staring at a giant poster of a certain show and interrupting your husband to shout, “Heeey!  We should go see a show!”   

I didn’t go!  I didn’t really want to even. Not really. Shut up, I went to a Titanic exhibit. There was a real iceberg, it was cold, and I bought Titanic luggage tags which I thought were funny. There was no thunder.

After walking an enormous conference my legs felt like numb stumps, so I decided to try an Aqua Massage

I didn’t even care that it was in the busy corridor connecting two hotels. A massage sounded so good. From the outside it looked like a carwash, from the inside it felt like a rubber coffin inside a carwash. The problem was that apparently I’m claustrophobic inside rubber coffins, that, and I didn’t take my shoes off like you’re supposed to. Trapped inside with alternating jets of water either blasting or vibrating hard, I told myself I was enjoying it and I tried to take my shoes off. You can’t maneuver in there, not with the water attacking you, but my shoes were just flip-flops. Normally I can tug them off with my toes, except I caught a foot cramp. You know the kind that you need to jump up and down on to alleviate?  That kind. So while the water was battering me mercilessly, and my flip-flops were moving around beneath the rubber matting, spanking me, I was trying my best to put weight on a cramping foot. It was very low-grade torture. Yes I could have hit the panic button, but I’m no quitter. I may have been the only one who didn’t like that thing.

Have you seen an Oxygen Bar?  I passed these things all over Vegas, and I admit I was intrigued by the colorful bubbly contraptions. Maybe they're everywhere, remember I spend most of my time holed up writing. People stood around them, with plastic tubes rammed up their noses, and it didn’t look like fun. But after surviving the Aqua Massage I was offered a deal on the Oxygen Bar, only $10 for air. The whole idea of breathing in aromatherapy-scented straight-up oxygen seemed ridiculous, so of course I had to try it. Hey I don’t gamble, I don’t drink, I couldn’t afford sky-diving - you make do with what you have. 
Photo Credit:  Stephanie Karfelt
There were several machines to choose from, each had different flavors. I started with the mints, and soon plugged into exotic fruits. Sitting at a bar with a pink plastic tube up my nose felt about as stupid as I’d thought it would. I tried some mouth breathing to avoid the flavored air at first, but finally decided to cooperate to see if it really gave me more energy. I was exhausted from a day at the conference, so I was hopeful it would work. I went straight to dinner after the oxygen, and I had more energy after that, but I didn’t notice any difference I could be certain came from the oxygen. Also couldn’t get that fruity air taste out of my lungs for awhile.

We’re not going to count the photo op I took Epic Slinky Dog on as a dumb thing. It was fun, and I just avoided eye contact with people. Besides, it surely wasn’t the oddest thing anyone saw that day. Vegas. Dumb was everywhere. Did you notice Slinky in the top photo with the Egyptian dog Anubis?  All in all probably the dumbest thing I did in Vegas was to ignore the sunshine beckoning, and spend my spare time editing a novel in my hotel room. That and I may have possibly taken my part-time vegetarian self out for a hamburger. How about you?  What is the dumbest thing you’ve ever done in Vegas?  Or anywhere for that matter?  Something fun, folks, this isn’t a confessional. I’m not a Priest, and I may or may not use your story in a novel, but I’m all ears. Especially if you went to Thunder Down Under. Dish.
As always I’m giving out Epic Slinky Dogs. I just ask that you follow my blog and leave a comment if you’d like one. Let’s make it someone who hasn’t won one yet. Easy breezy, isn’t it?  

Photo Credit:  Stephanie Karfelt


  1. Sounds like a fun time! I would like an Epic Slinky Dog also.

  2. Closest I've been to Vegas was in 13th Tribe. :P

  3. No excuses Heretic. I don't care where the story happened. Don't make me feel like the only one who does dumb things...

  4. Oooh the stories. I've only been to Vegas once, but we did some dumb things. I don't drink or gamble either (I like to keep my money and I don't like the taste of alcohol).
    I could tell you of how we walked to In and Out Burger across the highway the extra long way because we didn't realize there was a connecting road that would shorten our journey.
    I could tell you about the hour it took us to get to Kiss Mini Golf because we walked to that too (from In and Out on the other side of the strip. Miles of walking).
    But the dumbest thing I did?
    I went to see Phantom of the Opera (Phantom! as they called it in Vegas).
    Now, the show was fantastic. My girlfriend and I had an amazing time. We loved every second.
    So why is this the dumbest thing we did?
    Because we left the boys alone in order to go. We let "Heather's" boyfriend "Mike", our under 21 friend "Mark" and our oldest of the group "Carl" out for three hours by themselves.
    We never should have trusted Mike and Mark to watch Carl...who in a very short amount of time drank two VERY high alcohol drinks and, essentially, reached the black out point.
    Heather and I get out of the show to meet up with them and Mark casually whispers in our ears "Carl's toasted. He's gone."

    Seriously the dumbest choice we made. Also the most hilarious. Why we thought we could trust them...I don't' know...but Carl made that night the most memorable. From falling asleep at dinner, wandering into the kitchen instead of the bathroom, forgetting his pin number when he decided he needed to buy skittles, spilling said skittles all over our hotel lobby floor, jumping on Mark's back and yelling "Concord!" chewing on a toothpick because he thought it was a fry, and then falling asleep the second he hit the sheets (Which allowed Mark to then put skittles in his ear, down his pants, and in his socks).
    Seriously. Hilarious. But the dumbest thing I did in Vegas ;)

  5. Well, i could tell you about the time i swam in the fountain outside the....

    Or how we all pooled our resources and bought....

    Or even the story of when we found how to reach the roof of the hotel where we....

    But they'd all be lies. Or fiction as we cleverclogs like to call it. I've never been to LV; and unless Uncle Sam starts to like me a bit more, never likely to, either, so they'll remain fiction.

    Dumb things done elsewhere? Plenty. Currently i think the dumbest might have been breathing near whoever it was that passed me the germs currently living in me. Personally i blame the evil Glitter Daughter: She was at CES and i'm sure she found a way to pass them over the Web....

  6. Contact me in the next week and we'll talk Epic Slinky Dog possibilities.

  7. Epic Slinky Dog arrived today. Wife had to tell me to stop playing with it! ;-)

  8. daileyenduringtruth - Been trying to find you! You won an Epic Slinky Dog! Please contact me by the end of February, 2013. tick tick tick...