Thursday, November 29, 2012

Bah Humbug

Photo credit:

How did this happen?  When did I become a Christmas Scrooge?  There are times during the year when I make up something to celebrate, and order a cake to make it official. There is the The Guys Went Hunting The House is All Mine – Mine Mine Mine cake. There is the Company’s Coming and I Haven’t Seen them in Weeks! cake. Easter always involves baskets, ceramic bunnies, and spring flowers. Even though I live on top of Spooky Hill and nobody comes here, I always have glow sticks, Play Doh, and candy for Halloween. Yet sparkly red and green ribbon, Santa at the Mall, and “Jingle Jingle Jingle...I am old Kris Kringle, I’m the King of Jingle-ing” wafting through the grocery store just ticks me off. I don’t mean a little tick off. I mean I want to yank out my spiked thigh-high boots, my pleather jacket, rub on some fake tattoos and black lipstick and go stomp through the mall. What’s that about?
This is possibly a shock to my unicorn-loving friends, but I’m not even sending Christmas cards this year. That will be the first time since I used construction paper and crayons, and hand delivered them to family members sitting across the table from me. Let’s be perfectly honest here, I adore honestly, it saves so much time. The reason I’m not sending Christmas cards this year is I don’t want to. Not sure what I’m going to do with the four books of beautiful holiday stamps I already bought. Nothing is wrong. I still love you. Stop by and we’ll have cake.
Last week while standing in line to exchange a pair of jeans, I spotted a display of gift cards. So, it isn’t the pressure of coming up with gifts that put the bee in my bonnet, because I’m done shopping. Yay. Surprise.
Photo credit:  Stephanie Karfelt
Haha, just kidding. Mostly. Of course I will suck it up, hide the attitude, and if necessary produce some live reindeer on Christmas Eve, and play the part of a sheep during a reenactment of a live nativity if it is called for. But I’m all Joan Jett Punk Rocker about it inside, and don’t you forget that part. There would be a picture of my black-leather bad-self costume right about here, if the act of googling such images hadn’t frightened me terribly. Some things cannot be unseen, and I’d rather play Christmas Consumer Sheeple than go there. Just remember though, Hermie doesn’t like to make toys.
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How about you?  Are you all over the holiday season like twinkle lights?  Or are you ready to sign my petition to have it moved to every other year?  What is it about the holidays that crawls up the back of your shirt with sharp toenails?  Or what is it that thrills you to the tips of your Charlotte Church Christmas CD? 
Epic Slinky Dogs will be awarded to the most moving tales on either side. Be sure to follow my blog to be eligible.
Photo credit:  Stephanie Karfelt


  1. I am conflicted. Usually, I love the feeling of Christmas. The lights, kids faces all aglow, cold weather and warm drinks, fireplaces and stockings, the whole package. But this year, I just want it to be over with so I can get on that plane and head to London. And it's hard to even think about decorating when you have 10 tons of leaves on your lawn and 20 tons of dirt, dirty laundry, and muck to your knees inside your house. (Okay, I exaggerated, slightly.) Just not feeling it this year. Maybe I will after my son's Christmas concert tonight. YES, November 29th-still-stuffed-with-turkey-and-dressing-all-out-ding-dong-ding-dong-Christmas-Concert! Or after the city Christmas parade Saturday night...IDK, not really excited about this. :(

  2. When I get riled is when I hear the song, Feliz Navidad. I hate that song and my family knows it, so they play it louder when it comes on. Another thing I dislike about Christmas is the decorating. My wife knows I don't like it, and I know she knows, so I put on a happy face, and she gets mad at me anyway because she knows I don't like it and I'm faking. And stringing the Christmas lights is another issue. Do we ever do it when the weather is decent? Nope. We do it when the wind is blowing or there's already snow on the trees, and of course less than 50% of the lights we bought last year still work and even though the other 50% work inside, they wait until they're all strung and then they stop working outside, inevitably because the last one doesn't plug in correctly and the whole string has to be reversed. I don't mind the shopping, but I hate the parking and the returning. I don't mind the Christmas carols except to my dismay, Feliz Navidad seems to sense when I'm in the vicinity. Wow, Stephanie, you made me grumpy. I LIKE Christmas. What's up with that?

  3. If you catch some Christmas spirit at that concert LaDonna, come share it with Miss Cranky Pants. Deal?

  4. Oopsie - Sorry I influenced you for the bad, Jeff. On a positive note I like Feliz Navidad. Once I stood in a cafeteria line at an elementary school and it came over the PA. A whole row of First Graders broke into an impromptu dancey wiggle thing while choosing their chicken nuggets. So cute.
    Good for you for sticking with the Christmas lights thingy. I'm sure you get secret husband points for that. Maybe you could wear a Santa hat while putting them up, kinda punch it up a bit (good for double points).
    And just to atone for dragging you down, I will post a blog with the cheery slant. Wait for it...wait for it...

  5. I have been a Grinchy for many years. First it was stringing the lights on the tree that irked me. So, hubby bought me a pre-lit tree. Problem solved. NOT. Then it became, "I HATE shaping the branches!" Soon after that excuse wore thin, it became, "MUST they play Christmas music while I'm shopping for my Halloween costume?" And, yes, people noticed. My mother bought me a Christmas ornament of the Grinch all tangled up in Christmas lights.

    BUT.... *drum roll*


    I'm not the Grinch. I'm his worst nightmare.

    Not only am I "in the spirit" (and no, not the alcoholic variety)- I'm tap dancing to Frank Sinatra's "Ive got my love to keep me warm" as I decorate the tree. Yes, the tree is up already, can you believe it? (Normally, I give in and throw one up the week before Santa crams his booty down our chimney!)

    I'm zooming down the road to Mannheim Steam Roller, smiling, and waving at total strangers as I pass.

    I've got my shopping done-- I was finished days before Black Friday.

    I'm practically wearing a Santa hat and jingle bells while washing dishes(don't Google that either,fyi *shiver*)

    What's brought about this miraculous change? Well, you might say the Spirit of Christmas Past (or is it Present?-- maybe Future?)...

    No wait, it's a totally different Spirit. It's the Spirit of Christ.

    I've decided to follow 30 days of Thankful- actually I'm extending that one to 100 days of Thankful, but I digress! I'm following with 30 days of giving.

    Why should I have to wait till the 25th to give? I shouldn't.

    I'm giving away free goodies weekly on my blog. *cough cough- insert shameless plug here- cough cough*

    I'm giving to the needy. I'm giving to the worthy. I'm giving to those that give to others.

    From free Christmas trees and toys to the shirt off my back... if you need it, I'll give it... unless it's money. Strangely I don't have any of that to give.

    All I can say is...

    ♪♫♪ Tis the season to be merry ♪♫♪

  6. Donna - Wow - That is awesome. My pre-lit tree is sitting in pieces in the family room because only half of it lights. I think lights are highly over-rated.
    Okay, I soaked in your positive Grinch-Free post and now...I feel like a guilty Bah-Humbug, and some wrongly wired part of me wants to go google Santa hat with jingle bells while washing dishes...poor impulse control. Must. Resist. Do. Not. Do. It.

  7. No worries. It involved lots of Santa hats and puppies. *am so ashamed*

  8. Bwahahahaaa And....

    My work here is done. ;)

  9. I am no Grinch. Unless it's the Grinch post heart growing.

    Although, I must admit I do NOT appreciate the whole Christmas pre-Halloween thing...because I LOVE Halloween.

    So really, I am a Holiday for the Holiday person. Don't try to butt it out of the way before it's had its time. I love Christmas. I love it. I love it so much.

    I love gifts. Giving and getting. It's my 'love language' of sorts. I love picking stuff out specific to the person and making them special. I also love getting gifts ;)

    YAY CHRISTMAS! Sorry you're Scrooge-ish, I'll order some time-line ghosts to visit you and remind you the meaning of Christmas?

  10. That would so rock Kelsey! I'll blog about it. What fun. Ooooh, hope they come tonight. Where would the world be without The Glitter Globe? Where? One blog short that's where! And all those homeless Epic Slinky Dogs left to wander alone, unloved? *shudders* (If you think about it, Dickens kind of shoved some Halloween into Christmas there, just sayin'.)

  11. I don't even know if I can continue to read your blog anymore after this post. I LOVE LOVE LOVE christmas! The music, decorations, gifts and everything that has to go with it. On November first I spent the day taking down halloween decorations and getting my apartment ready for the most magical time of the year, including taking out my Tis' The Season candle that I light constantly so it that when you walk in does it not only look like christmas ralphed everywhere but smells like it too. I have to tell you I haven't had a bad day since - how could I have a bad day when I end everyday by turning on the christmas lights, sit on the couch drinking a hot cup of green tea with disgusting amounts of honey in it, and listen to a mixture of Celine Dion and Alan jackson Christmas music. It makes me a little sad that your so bitter about the holidays but I'm sure my sadness will go away while I take part in my nightly routine ;).

  12. I love Christmas. Love dancing in the stores to Christmas music (though I dance all year long to whatever is on). Love the music we've been playing every year since I was a little girl. Love the Christmas books I read every year and the Christmas specials (especially Dr. Who). Love finding gifts for everyone (trying to afford them is another matter). I never minded decorating because that also comes with a heaping helping of dancing to music. Of course, we don't do all that much decorating which helps. Love our Christmas traditions like our advent wreath and reading the Christmas story before opening presents. (The little Bible is in a gold box - the first gift every year).
    Christmas does have some not-so-nice memories, but they're starting to fade. And this year I finally get to be with my husband, so YAY!
    Our house has a strict - no Christmas before Thanksgiving - policy, which helps it not get old before it even gets here. Since our shopping is generally limited to grocery safaris at Walmart (every 2 weeks) we don't really hear the Christmas music till we want to. And there's always an Ipod full of metal to drown it out when it does happen.
    Guess it's a matter of tactics.

  13. This is my eldest son's last Christmas before he graduates and where will we be? In the cold basement of my house, packing up the rest of our belongings (800 sq ft worth), loading and dumping it at some destination I'm not sure of as yet. This is NOT how I would have pictured spending this Christmas, but we have no choice. So *la-sigh*, I will do the best I can to not be cranky. Thankfully, we will follow this by going to my parents - the last Christmas all the cousins will be together before the first two graduate high school. And no matter how tired I am at that point, I will have fun. I hope. LOL

  14. kbrooks07 - I happen to know for a fact that you live near the north pole and are, therefore, a tad biased.
    Just to show you how open-minded I can be, I spent today putting up the Christmas tree (this doesn't include the days this past week spent purchasing and returning non-functioning lights for the pre-lit tree - that no longer lights, I can't count that effort because I bribed others to do the task for me). Those of us who live in the deep south (read, outside the Arctic Circle) can surely be forgiven if we begin decorating on December 1st, right? I realize this is a month late compared to you, but as you know, I am not an elf.
    AND I got no help at all from Dear Hubby, not even to put the bulbs near the top where I need a ladder to reach, because I had It's a Wonderful Life on (I am not making this up). He wanted to watch MIB 3 and ditched me. Even I know MIB 3 isn't very Christmas-y.
    While we had no tea with disgusting amounts of honey it in, we did take hits of whipped cream straight out of the Reddi-Whip can, if that doesn't say Christmas Spirit, it should.
    Anyway, stick around because Kelsey is sending the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present, and Future after me and maybe I'll see the sparkly light. I will keep you posted.
    PS - Please don't tell Santa on me.

  15. Dear Heretic - Yay you get to spend your first Christmas with Hubby! Did you get the Hallmark ornament for that? The first part of that sounds very romantic, I'm happy for you.
    I would luv to come on one of your shopping safari's and pick up some dance moves, but I might take that heavy metal iPod and sneak a hit while we're at it. Thanks for the tactic hint, please be sure to share anymore you might have.

  16. Linnette - You're in the middle of moving this Christmas? :( Glittery hugs for you, and kudos for keeping a good attitude. Here's to hoping you have a nice visit with your parents and an extra dose of pampering while you're there!

  17. I'll try my best not to tell Santa but he does live right next store you know and he is rather noisy so I can't make any promises ;)

  18. kbrooks07 Won an Epic Slinky Dog! And not because she lives next door to Santa either - that is just an epic coincidence.

    Be sure to private message me an address kb (and then I shall have Santa's address bwa bwahahaha - which is also a coincidence).