Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Why Hello You Tall Cool Drink of Water—A Nomination You Want to Kiss on the Mouth

An Actual Photo of Me Kissing My RONE Award Nomination CATEGORY: FICTION/PARANORMAL

One of my books has been nominated for a 2017 RONE award.

I just can't even. It's such a thrill when someone notices all the work you put into a book. Night writes. Six months of hard time. EDITS. SO MANY EDITS.

After all the work that goes into a book, in the end you dress it up with a pretty cover, pack it a lunch, kiss it goodbye, and send it out into the void.

     "I love you!" you say as it hurries away.

     It doesn't even wave farewell.

You wait. But it doesn't write. It doesn't call. It's gone. Forever.

For a while life feels so empty.

Eventually you head back to the writing world, chop another bit of your heart out, and do it all over again. But you never forget the bits of yourself you've sent into the world. You always wonder about them.

     How's it doing?
     I hope it's okay.
     I've heard nothing bad, so probably it's okay.

Then one day your publisher sends you an email with news!

WHAT?! *you hyperventilate into a paperbag* BITCH WITCH! It's so good to see you again!

You beautiful cranky witch you! I've missed you! I think about you all the time! Look at you!

Here she is, my Bitch Witch, nominated for a RONE AWARD. She's in the Paranormal (Long) Category. This part of the contest needs votes from you.

If you enjoyed Sarah Archer. If you like to read stories about darkness and light, head over HERE and GIVE HER A VOTE!

You'll need to register at the site. That's how they make sure everyone only votes once.

Give her a hug, maybe a smooch if you're so inclined, or a VOTE!

There's no better way to reassure a writerly heart.

Monday, April 10, 2017

Fly the Unfriendly Skies—Atonement for United Airlines

The Glitter Globe, Man dragged off plane, United Airlines forces man off plane
The Glitter Globe/S.R. Karfelt

You have been weighed.
You have been measured.
And you have absolutely, been found wanting.

That Knight’s Tale quote pretty much sums up the public’s consensus toward United Airlines, after they had a customer forcibly removed from one of their airplanes today. The crime? They wanted his seat. The one he paid for and was sitting in. They wanted to give it to someone else.

The fact that he’s a doctor who had patients to see, and didn’t want to give up his seat, is irrelevant to me. It shouldn’t matter if he was a rich guy heading off on vacation for the thirteenth time this year, or if he was a poor man going to his father’s funeral. He bought and paid for a ticket, and he was sitting in his seat.

It seems a good deal of the internet is playing judge, jury, and executioner on this topic. Maybe because we’ve all had our share of flying problems.

Traveling takes a lot of juggling, and effort. By the time a passenger gets to their seat and they’re ready to go, it’s not a good time to expect them to change their schedule and rework their plans. 

When something goes wrong in my life I tend to hurry up to see the bottom line. How soon can this be fixed, and what will it take? That’s where my mind usually goes. That’s what I’m going to do for United Airlines. Free of charge. In my opinion, if nobody dies, it is recoverable.

The man dragged off the flight, his family, and any close friends who travel with him the rest of his life, should get free First Class. Forever. Likely he’ll tell United to suck it, and sue them anyway. Few would blame him. Still, at least it would show the desire to make amends on the part of the airline.

It seems like whoever dragged the man from the plane might have been local police. I imagine they were doing their job. Some guy won’t get off the flight, they’ll make him. Unless they’re some type of mercenary or airline police, United can and probably will go all Medea and blame the Po-Po.

I call bullshit on United blaming the police.

If I promise one of my kids that they can ride shotgun, and another kid hops in the seat. It’s my job to fix that. I don’t call the police on that kid. Bad call on the part of United if they did.

If the airline had offered enough incentive, someone would have gotten up voluntarily. If they promise me a free round trip ticket anywhere United flies, and they’re going to get me on another flight that day, I’d give up my seat in a heartbeat!

From stats I’ve seen flying around today, United appears to not force people off airplanes very often. I don’t care. Unless the person is a nuisance, it needs to not be happening at all. Not after the passengers are seated. That’s bullshit.

Why is overbooking a thing anyway? You sell the seats you have. If someone doesn’t show up you keep their money. If they bought a ticket that allows them not to show up at the last minute, I’m going to bet that ticket costs so much that the airline still comes out better financially.

What I’d like to see is an airline with the gonads to STOP OVERBOOKING. That’s my writerly advice to United. Shite-can the lip service and actually make this right. What people want from an airline is safe and good service. The real kind. Not the cleverly packaged bullshit kind. Genuine. Service. 

Be real, United. Make it right. 

Friday, April 7, 2017

Acting Like a Witch—Actresses and Audiobooks

One of the projects I've been working on this year is having my book, Bitch Witch, made into an Audiobook

What an absolute blast it's been!

Over thirty actresses auditioned for the part. I spent weeks listening to every audition. Since I got to have first and also final say, I narrowed the field down. It was tough because the talent out there is overwhelming. I wanted ALL of them, but there could be only one! I had to satisfy myself with stalking most of the actresses on Vimeo or other places. My editor and publisher gave advice and listened to selections, helping me finally choose one.

My top pick for this project was Liisa Ivary. It's pronounced like Lisa with one i, even if she's Liisa with a double ii. She's a veteran audiobook actress, and she blew me away with her narration. I've never been a big audiobook listener before. But the night she sent me the completed project, I stayed up all night listening to her bring the book to life. I can't think when I've been so thrilled.

You might think every writer thinks that their books would make a good movie. You'd be wrong about me. I don't think that the Covenant Keeper books would make good movies (although I'd love someone to prove me wrong). The reason being that I can't picture how the heart thing could translate effectively to the screen. I picture it being one of those movies where the actors try to convey something profound with cryptic and meaningful looks. One of those movies where I mutter to the screen, "What? WHAT? What are you trying to tell me?" 

No, I think that the Covenant Keeper books would make an EXCELLENT video game. It's a huge world, and behavior makes the heart stronger or weaker. Plus Kahtar dies and is reborn again and again. It's an excellent video game world! 

do think that Bitch Witch would be a fun romp of a movie. I think that the world is currently suffering from a severe lack of movies that are fun romps. Have we ever needed a laugh and that lit-up happy feeling those movies provide more? Liisa Ivary drives home to me that Bitch Witch can do that. You've got to hear her play Mindy Millerton, she nails it. Every character came to life, and I relived that story in a way I wouldn't have thought possible. Bitch Witch makes a great audiobook, and I dare to think it would make a good movie too.

Several of the trade reviewers of Bitch Witch said the same thing. Check that out.

We can hope.

In the meantime, listening to the story will bring it to life and allow you to cast the characters in your own fertile imagination.

Liisa's narration made me laugh out loud again and again. It was like listening to a new story for me, and I wrote it! It's available at all audiobook retailers. Leave a review, and let me know what you think!

Tuesday, April 4, 2017

Tucson, Arizona—If You Like Escapism With Your Vacation

Author Karfelt, SRKarfelt.com
The Glitter Globe/S.R. Karfelt

Let’s keep this free and easy.

SRKarfelt.com, Arizona, Saguaro National Park
Saguaro National Forest East/Arizona

Just like there are different types of people, there are different types of vacations. My favorite kind involves someplace beautiful with absolutely no plans. Throw a convertible into the desert, and we’re good. Know what I did in Tucson? Nothing. I hiked about eight miles a day and drove around in a convertible until it is now impossible to ever comb my hair out again.

Cactus, National park, Karfelt,
Riding the Desert in a Convertible

Since it is no fun at all to take the Interstate from Phoenix to Tucson, I simply drove off the highway and found a side road—with the help of one ancient useless GPS and two phones (Google works better than the map app in my opinion and with my IQ level).

The Glitter Globe, Karfelt
The Glitter Globe/S.R. Karfelt
Since none of my technology could alert me to the fact that there was a big Renaissance Fair going on, and that ALL THE PEOPLE were going, including a guy in a huge boat with fishing poles, I drove most of the way to Tucson slower than I hike. That’s pretty profound. If you’ve ever hiked with me you will understand. I might possibly be the only person to hike DOWN into the Grand Canyon slower than up. It’s a vertigo thang.

S.R. Karfelt, The Glitter Globe
Crested Saguaro/Arizona
This trip to Tucson I stayed at Rincon Creek Ranch. It’s south of the city and a bit out of the way, and absolutely spectacular. This is the second off the beaten path place I’ve found thanks to Trip Advisor. A ranch bordering the Saguaro National Park East is quite different than a Houseboat in Amsterdam, but they’re equally amazing in all the right ways. I found the EXACT kind of vacation I long for—the kind that refreshes the soul and recharges the mind.

The Glitter Globe, Karfelt
Rincon Creek Ranch/Vail, Arizona

Rincon Creek Ranch offers several spectacular casitas to choose from. The décor almost inspires me to update my rickety old spider-filled house in the woods, instead of spending my money escaping it. Since I spend most of my at-home days going through the writing portal into other worlds, what difference does it really make? Plus The Shire has some of the highest taxes in the United States. If they hear me run the vacuum, they raise my taxes.

So I’ve decided to embrace the squalor. 

SRKarfelt.com, hiking, The Glitter Globe
Tucson, Arizona

Someday I probably won’t come back, because I fall in love with new places very easily.

SRKarfelt.com, The Glitter Globe
Rincon Creek Ranch/Appaloosa
The casitas at Rincon Creek Ranch have different décor to choose from. I stayed in the Appaloosa. It has a western theme, with a copper tub, and stone fireplace, and leather couches, and a bedroom that you just want to use your cowboy in. Mine had been off traveling for business, so we met up in Arizona for equal parts smooching and hiking.  

The Glitter Globe
Tucson, Arizona

That’s my idea of vacation. Yours might be different. If you’re home raising kids, or can’t take off on a vacation this year, maybe everything sounds great. I’ve had plenty of years like that. All vacations require patience, even if it’s just waiting for the opportunity to go on one.