|The Glitter Globe/S. R. Karfelt|
- The ability to brush your teeth neatly. This means you never need to wipe a bit of toothpaste off your tie or blouse. This feat rises to an entirely new level of near impossibility when you acquire one of the popular new sonic toothbrushes. If you can manage one of those without ending up with foam dripping off your elbows or a bathroom mirror splattered like a Pollock reject, you get a double recess today.
- Driving a manual transmission. Before children I had a car with a manual transmission, and well after children I hopped into one and drove down the street. My passenger said, “Wow, I’m surprised you did that so well. You haven’t driven one of these since the 90’s!” Guess who stalled and rolled the whole way back up the street? It’s like I forgot to remember that I forgot. Get it?
- Public Speaking. I know, good one, right? But I’m not talking about necessarily standing up in front of a massive audience and touting your weight-loss program. I’m talking about standing up in front of the school board and arguing for the soon to be cut music program, or asking questions about fracking at a Town Hall meeting. Communication is a fundamental life skill, isn’t it?
- Balancing Your Checkbook. And if that’s too old school, this also includes knowing how much money is in your account no matter how many times you’ve swiped that debit card this week. One thing they told you in school that is so true is that you’ve got to do the math.
- Dressing Yourself. This isn’t on the list to pick on anyone who relies on their partner to know their shoe or pant size. This is for those of us who stray far off the path of dressing like an adult to include camo pants, sequin Converse, and alternative hair colors (they just never get old for me). Most days I write at least eight hours in my yoga pants and pajama top, and if I were to ever make any kind of list it’d very likely be a Fashion Don’t list, but I'd sure have fun getting there.
- Behaving Like an Adult Since You Are One. All I can think as I write this is Epic Fail. If it's a writing day I choose my socks based on what will slide across the hardwood best. There’s a distinct possibly I’ll be expelled from Snapchat at some point. And I still take recess because sometimes I just need a break from hanging with my imaginary friends all day. I do not, however, take snow days because if I was away from them for an entire day, I'd miss them too much, so you can decide which side of the fence that falls on.
- Not Taking Criticism Personally. Out of the seven life skills I’ve listed here this is the only one that I think I’m actually pretty good at. Frankly I think that snide remarks, low-blows, and gossip in general says way more about the person spouting it than it can possibly say about the one it’s being directed at. Seriously. Watch the faces of those gossiping. See the expressions of mean-spirited glee. It’s cruel and it’s ugly and it’s oh-so-popular right now. There’s an entire pop-culture thriving on nit-picking other people. I say if you feel right in your own heart, let the trolls just suck it.
|S. R. Karfelt/The Glitter Globe|