Monday, July 8, 2013

Welcome Warning

Luna Moth

Things you should know if you’re going to be a houseguest.

·         I take my writing very seriously.
·         Not house work.
·         Time is just another number to be ignored here.
·         Dear Hubby Vs. The Groundhog means nerve shattering shotgun blasts with no warning.
·         The doorbell, like the phone, is just white noise when I’m writing. If your hand gets sore knocking, you might try a foot.
·         I was raised to lock doors. See above if you step outside for any reason.
·         We’re not sure how many people live here. They come and go like they belong so I just roll with it.
·         If you see a giant on the premises there is no need to panic. I mean, well, don’t turn your back on him or anything, but he responds well to bacon.
·         Make yourself at home. Seriously, while you’re here you’re part of the family. Feel free to get yourself a cold drink and root for snacks whenever you like. After that get to your chores. This is your week to vacuum and do laundry.
·         Remember what happened to gremlins if you got them wet or fed them after midnight? That happens here if you try to get all morning person on us.
·         Bedtime is before sunrise.
·         Mealtime is whenever you feel like cooking it.
·         Don’t forget to do the dishes after you cook.
·         My house is in the woods. Luna moths, lightning bugs, and baby birds sometimes act like they own the place. We practice catch and release.
·         Spiders and hornets are always in season. Feel free to search and destroy. Spare me the spiders are beneficial insects spiel. I’m allergic. Beat them until their legs fall off and I'll tell you where I hide the chocolate. 

Can you live with those rules? Anything you'd need to add?

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