Monday, April 22, 2013

Favorite Messes



  • Last week everyone left, and I discovered my brand new full-size bath towel inside the toilet bowl. I hadn’t turned on the light and darted back out of the room, unsure what was in there. (Groundhog briefly flitted through mind.) Nobody did it (that happens a lot around here). Very mysterious, and the towel was very absorbent.
  • Once I found this treasure on top of a glass table. Crayons, a little boy’s T-shirt, rabbit food, Hershey Kisses, and part of a grilled cheese sandwich all glued together with an entire bottle of Elmer’s glue. It had dried so the glue was clear and plastic-y and I was able to pry the entire mess up off the table and it held together beautifully. The artist preferred to remain anonymous.
  • Dashed into the garage for something and saw that nobody had again left the brown paper bag of rabbit food on the chest freezer out there. I picked it up, to put away, and thought it had a hole in the bag because stuff was falling out. Glancing down I realized it was mice. Lots of tiny mice, jumping out of the big bag I held clutched against my chest. I screamed. A lot. Did you hear me? Well, my family didn’t.
  • The dogs weren’t allowed in this end of the house, so when I heard snaggly toenails scratching the carpet I went to investigate. A white and orange bird dog was sliding up the hallway on his belly, he propelled himself awkwardly with his back legs only, front paws sorta dragging along at his side. This must be some strange form of dog sneak. I followed him. He slid into my daughter’s room, snaked up onto her toddler-sized pink bed. Stuck his snout into the Halloween bucket on the bed stand and nabbed a long Tootsie Roll, ate it, and left only the twisty ends behind. I was so impressed I didn’t mind that mess, but I think my son did because he’d been getting the blame for the stolen candy, and the random bits of wrappers left behind.
  • That circle of fur under the bed that looks like a cat exploded, ‘cept there’s no cat inside of it. How many years was he sneaking inside the bedroom and sleeping there?
  • The hay and horse-stuff footprints that the guy in front of me left at the bank.
  • Coolers that went on a fishing trip and then wait in the back hallway for a house elf to magic them empty and clean onto shelves in the garage. Open one if you’re woman enough. Surprise.
  • Fish hooks in the washer. Bullets in the dryer. Gum in the dryer. ß Just one reason all the money in the dryer is mine.


Now I know that you have a favorite mess or two of your own. Spill.

2 comments:

  1. The kids were outside playing while I was doing the dishes. I heard my son, almost two come in the house whining a pitiful low tone. I listened as he waddled down the hallway then turned around and finally found me in the kitchen. I turned around and he was covered head to toe in thick dark mud. Little drippy plops in his trail. I of course grabbed the...Camera! I took him outside to hose him off and found my 4 year old daughter hiding behind a bush. "What happened to Bailey?" I grinned at her. She got brave and came out from behind the bush, arms behind her back. "I don't know mommy?" She threw her hands up in that helpless gesture and she was covered to her elbows in the same mud. I sat down on the grass and laughed.

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  2. I have two favorite mess stories and they both involve the same child.

    The first one is the poop as a building material story. A strange smell called me to the play room to find the Little Tykes Doll House among other things smeared with poop. As I surveyed the damage and prepared myself for the massive clean up, I looked down to see the mini Little Tykes Turtle Sandbox with a pile of poop in it. When I asked my creative little bugger why he didn't use the bathroom which was a mere 10 feet away, he said, "But mommy, I had to make a volcano for the dinosaurs to go extinct."

    The other story is his pat answer as to why he couldn't ever clean up the playroom after himself. He had a habit of taking parts from all the toys and games and using them to make his own creations so there was always a big mess. When it was close to bedtime I would ask him to clean up, he would tell me he couldn't because the walls had eyes. At first I thought it was a "Sixth Sense" kind of thing until I took a closer look at the knotty pine paneling. It looked much scarier at night.

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If you can hear me, verbose on me. Or throw glitter. Wotever.