Sunday, December 2, 2012

The Shieldmaiden's Admonition


A Glitter Globe Christmas Carol Tale

Perhaps Dickens would understand...



It’s almost 2:00 a.m. and I’m supposed to be rewriting the last chapter of my current WIP. Instead I’m snapping the bubble-wrap that I use to wrap Epic Slinky Dogs in. Was hanging out on Facebook but it gets really quiet in the middle of the night. Seems like a perfect time for a visit from the Ghost of Christmas Past. The Dickens Curse was handed down to me for my Bah Humbug post, and I’ve been waiting for these visits so I can blog about it. I think I know what is wrong. It is amazing how these things become clearer to me with lack of sleep. How would I even know if The Ghost of Christmas Past showed up?  She might be here showing me the past right now. How scary can that possibly be for a writer?  It would look exactly like what I’m always doing, typing with really bad posture. Of course I quit writing sometimes, but what are the odds the ghost has time to hunt through years of me typing, to look for me standing in the kitchen eating peanut butter out of the jar?  It is kinda scary though, I’ll give you that. Sit up straight!  Shoulders back!  There, much better.
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Here comes the Ghost of Christmas Present. I notice her. She drags me away from the computer to show me my daughter decorating the tree all by herself. Nooooooo!  I suck! Hold up. My daughter might be doing this just so I can’t put all the Epic Slinky Dogs on the tree as I’d planned! No, you're right! That doesn’t matter!  No one should decorate the tree alone! I turn on a Christmas movie and help. The tree is now all silver and blue, very festive. The Ghost of Christmas Present glides through the kitchen and we have a look around. She makes me clean up my spinach smoothie mess, and take the trash out. I don’t think she’s a ghost, I think she’s a witch because she gets all up in my face about doing laundry, and opening mail. Give me a break!  Who opens their mail every single week?  What do I look like, Superwoman?  I grab a quick dessert (Redi-Whip straight out of the can, don’t judge me, these ghosts already are) and return to my writing. I have a deadline. I need to finish this entire series in this lifetime, AND write a few more.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come looks freakily like my chiropractor. Let’s call her GCYC for short. She says the turtle neck from straining towards the computer screen is now permanent. Apparently I should have jogged a bit more and not sat fourteen hours a day either, because even though it is the future they don’t make pants shaped like THAT. Looks like my Christmas tree is up though, hmmm, it looks exactly like the one I just put up with my daughter. What?  You mean it is the same one?  I never took it down?  Now there’s an idea, why didn’t I think of that years ago?  GCYC says she doesn’t like my attitude and to take a look at this. Well, thank goodness Dragon Naturally Speaking has advanced, because it looks like my future writer self has to use it. Both her hands are in casts from carpal tunnel surgery, and she’s got a bit of a hump. At least she’s still writing, right?  I sneak a peek over her shoulder to see what she’s working on. How many novels has she written?  What series is she working on now?  My heart's all aflutter, this should be good!  My future-self’s hair is dark with grey streaks, so she’s either much older or there is no hair dye left in the world. Leaning forward I see that she is busily editing a novel called BLANK. That’s the exact same thing I’m editing in the present. No!  No!  Oh Dear Heavens!  Noooo!  Oh the humanity!  I’ll change!  I swear it, I’ll change!  Anything but that!  Noooooo!

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This story genuinely creeps me out. Just to prove I am a changed woman, I slithered into the holiday spirit and made this video. It is all those things that scare me about the holiday, rolled into one fun video. Leave a comment and tell me what scares you about the holiday, and one of you will win a $25 gift card from Barnes & Noble, and at least one of you will win an Epic Slinky Dog. (See?  Like Scrooge the morning after, I’m giving stuff away!)  I’m going to pick the gift card winner based on your epic comment. Be sure to follow my blog to qualify!  And check back to see if you won in order to collect your prize! 

An Epic Merry for Ye... 

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