Flued & Looted

Photo Credit:  Stephanie Karfelt

How was your Christmas?  Hope it was all Holly Jolly and Very Merry. Let’s chat awesome swag folks. The flu tried to interrupt my Glitter Globe Christmas, but it came just the same. My family gathered around the tree on Christmas morning, flu cooties everywhere. Our buddy Zeus sat at the edge of the group, perfectly healthy. He said mortal flu cooties slide off giants like fiery cannonballs off castle walls. Loved ones said other things, but due to the coughing and merriment and the fact that I was rolling around in a new pile of books, I missed most of it. Did you get books for Christmas?  Friends, that is like getting a vacation wrapped inside a virtual reality ride. It’s the best. What thing can top Mr. Darcy?  Or a safe journey aboard a pirate ship?  Most especially if it comes with chocolate.

Photo Credit: Stephanie Karfelt

Check out my new jacket…can you imagine? 

Photo Credit: Stephanie Karfelt

And you’ll never believe that I’m actually a minimalist, what with the Epic Slinky Dogs and what Santa put in my stocking this year. I fainted a bit.

Photo Credit: Stephanie Karfelt

Do you think books make spectacular gifts?  If not, what does?  What thrilled or chilled you this holiday season?



Flued

And Looted

 

It’s The End of the World as We Know It…again.

Got your running shoes on?



Once Upon a Time…I worked with a guy who was flat out certain that the end of the world would happen within months. He saw all the signs, and the then President had some telltale mark. During the workday while I designed power point presentations, he’d whisper about the Seven Signs of the Apocalypse. Let’s call my old work buddy BM for short. I have my reasons. Whenever I couldn’t take it anymore I’d make bets with him. “BM?  Betcha it doesn’t end by Friday.”  “You’ll see and then you’ll know I was right.”  As if that is how it would work, as if my first thought (last thought?) as the sun exploded would be, “Golly, BM was right!  Silly me!” 

Perhaps I should be ashamed to admit I took advantage. At the time I considered it to be a perk for listening to the clap trap. Once BM had to shell out for chocolate cake for our whole group if the world didn’t end by his latest date, apparently he’d had a glitch in his calculations, so he paid for the cake and moved the date. When that date came and went he ended up having to treat those who sat nearest him to dinner, at an exclusive restaurant that none of us could afford. (He didn’t mind, because since the world was ending, he didn’t have to worry about money.)  Wonder what he’s doing now…and I hope he hasn’t spent all the time since, worrying.

Then there was the Y2K glitch at the end of 1999, when all the computers on earth were going to blue screen (or was it green screen then?) and throw us into the Dark Ages. By Dark Ages I suppose they meant something like the ‘80’s, back to the days when paperwork involved paper. The scariest part about that was if the hairstyles came back too. I remember asking friends I considered computer experts how badly computers would be affected. The answer I received was, “You might want to stock up on pickles and beer.” I pretended to understand that, but did neither. I consider myself blessed to have friends and neighbors who worry even less than I do. They tend to not sweat the small stuff, like my love of dandelions.

Now it is the Mayan calendar (coupled with the pop culture phenomenon of bringing tidbits of information that few of us really have any clue about) that creates something new to stress over. This is one of those things I just don’t worry about. What is the point in worrying about things nobody on the planet can control?  Though, I admit I did use it as an excuse not to clean my attic this fall. Dear Hubby just rolled his eyes. (Note to self:  Come up with another excuse for spring.)  Recently a frustrated, professional worrier said to me, “What will you do if the world ends and you didn’t even know it was coming?!”  Really?  That is kind of my game plan.

Still it brings up some interesting philosophies. If the world was going to end, what would you do differently?  Since everyone’s world ends eventually, I figure it is a question to consider. Is there something you’d really like to change in your life?  Right now the only thing that I would do differently – if the world was ending tomorrow – is to eat an enormous diabetes-inducing pile of Christmas chocolate. After that I’d spend my last minutes on earth nauseous. Nauseous would make the ending easier to take I think. That is my theory anyway. What’s yours?

***

I'd like to hear your theory or philosophy.  Epic Slinky Dogs will be randomly awarded to two people who leave comments. Be sure to follow my blog to be eligible.  (And check back to see if you won, it's really hard to find "Jiggly Puff" and "Anonymous" on the Internet.)

Epic Slinky Dog Photo Credit:  Stephanie Karfelt

Tasty Tidbits

Glass Candy! Photo by Stephanie Karfelt



Pop Quiz - Glitter Globe Style

1.      State your birth order. (Oldest)

2.      Do you think the above matters?  (My twenty month head start has imbibed me with vast knowledge. You can never catch up.)

3.      If you could be any animal in the world, what would you be?  (My Mom’s dog.)

4.      If you could be/marry any character from Lord of the Rings, who would you be/marry?  (I’d be Rosie and I’d marry Samwise.)

5.      Favorite dream job?  (Writer/Captain of the Enterprise.)

6.      If you could excel at any sport, what would it be?  (Gymnastics.)

7.      If you had to incorporate one food into every meal for the rest of your life, what would you pick?  (Crispin Apples. I’m the Bubba Gump of Crispin Apples. “Apple oatmeal, apple slices with peanut butter, apple pie, apple crisp, apple turnovers, apple stir-fry, caramel apples, apple ‘n squash soup, apple with quinoa, apple ice-cream, apples…”)

8.      What is your favorite cake?  (Cake!)

9.      Frosting or not?  (Yes.)

10.  If you could bestow one gift on mankind, what would it be?  (Enough.)

11.  One curse?  (Tails.)

12.  Best technology ever?  (Writing.)

13.  Worst technology ever?  (Television.)

14.  If you could institute one rule that everyone had to follow forever?  (Listen more than we talk. You learn an awful lot.)

15.  Do you believe in naps?  (This can be a deal breaker in relationships. Naps are the key to world domination, my cat told me that. I think in smaller doses they’re the key to happiness.)

16.  Do you like cats?  (No, but it’s okay because they don’t like me.)

17.  Do you like dogs?  (Yes.)

18.  Do you like armadillos?  (Yes, but they kind of creep me out face to face. I think they look like pill bugs.)

19.  Would you rather be a brilliant dancer or singer?  (Singer. I can pretend I’m a brilliant dancer; I don’t really care what you think. But I can hear myself sing.)

20.  Have you ever committed a felony?  (Not in this universe.)

21.  In general, do you think men and women think differently?  (Yes, but we’re not supposed to say it out loud.)

22.  Do you say things out loud that you’re not supposed to say?  (Yes.)

23.  Do you like snow?  (If it never snowed where I am, I might consider a long distance friendship.)

24.  If you could do it all over again, would you?  (See me at the end.)

25.  What is your favorite age?  For yourself. (Now.)

26.  Do you like sitting beside children on airplanes?  (Yes, and I answer all their questions. You might not want to sit by us.)

27.  Do you lie?  (Yes. I figure if I say no that is probably a lie. I try not to.)

28.  Can you be trusted to guard a child’s chocolate Easter rabbit?  (Dark or milk? Okay, fine, no.)

29.  Do you like cars?  (No. But my Time Travel Jeep is fun. Did you know people who drive Jeeps wave at each other on the road?)

30.  Do you like to garden?  (Hypothetically.)

31.  Are you neat?  (No organizational skills whatsoever, it never mattered because I used to have a great memory. It matters now.)

32.  Do you like to shop?  (Hate. It.)

33.  Do you like books?  (Unnaturally.)

34.  Do you like gadgets?  (It is a love hate thing. Far more hate involved.)

35.  What is the key to happiness, in your opinion?  (Low expectations.)

36.  Deciduous or coniferous?  (Yes.)

37.  Do you like naked trees?  (Yes.)

38.  Do you like jewelry?  (I like sparkly things in a box on my dresser. I don’t like them to touch me.)

39.  Personal Kryptonite?  (Paper cuts and mice in the garage.)

40.  Is the glass half full or half empty?  (It’s actually more than half full because you wouldn’t fill it to the very top, it would spill.)

41.  How do you feel about apathy?  (I don’t really care. Joking!)

42.  How do you feel about reptiles?  (They should die. Except frogs.)

43.  What is your superpower?  (I write fiction.)

44.  If you could have any superpower what would it be?  (If I can only have one, I’ll stick with writing fiction, if I can have two, I’ll go with flying.)

45.  What is your favorite game?  (Water spit-tag. You will do everything in your power not to get tagged out.)

46.  Do you believe confession is good for the soul?  (I did it. I’m sorry.)

47.  Do you hold the door open for the person behind you in public?  (No. I slam it shut and hold it so they can’t follow me in.)

48.  Do cemeteries creep you out?  (No. I like them immensely.)

49.  If you died right now, what would you want your headstone to say?  (You’re next.)

50.  If you were to accidentally cremate yourself trying to light a childproof lighter, where would you want your ashes scattered?  (Sequoia National Forest next to the tree called President. Or tossed off the top of a Ferris Wheel. Either is good.)

Photo Credit:  Stephanie Karfelt

 

I do all the talking around here. How fair is that? I'd like to take a peek inside your sparkly head too. So I came up with this in-depth questionnaire. You can answer any of the questions that you want to answer, or all of them,* or none at all. That's the way we roll here in The Glitter Globe, rules shmules, tests optional. I'd just like to get to know you. (You likely realized my answers are the ones in parentheses.) If you do answer, feel free to color outside the lines. I know I sure do.

 

*The first two people who answer ALL the questions will win an Epic Slinky Dog.  Just be sure to leave me contact information. (And follow my blog, please!)

 

Epic Slinky Dog (ESD)

Must Be Santa

Another $25 Barnes & Nobles Gift Card Giveaway!

 

 

Photo Credit:  Stephanie Karfelt

 

Is the quest to keep things simple for the holidays, Grinchy?  Because I was going for meaningful. I went to a local glass studio and made blown glass ornaments. (With my own two hands and hot air.)  They’re really beautiful, fun to make, and I thought being handmade would keep in the spirit of the season. What I hadn’t thought about, what slipped to the back of The Glitter Globe, was the fact that I have to mail this stuff to far off lands. Maybe next year I’ll opt for something really simple to wrap and mail, like bowling balls.

 

Photo Credit:  Stephanie Karfelt

This morning I tossed on my running clothes and thought, I’ll just wrap this stuff and get it ready to mail first. Then I’ll run. Six hours later everything is wrapped, packaged, and ready for transportation to the post office. Thanks to the Epic Slinky Dog giveaway, I go there quite often. I hand the post master the familiar puffy envelopes, with that telltale Epic Slinky Dog rattle, and he weighs them and asks the same question, “Any liquids, perishables, or flammables?”  And I answer, “Only inasmuch as the expected methane emissions of your average Epic Slinky Dog during transport.”  Kidding, the USPS doesn’t joke around. I say, “Fragile”. Then he slams the big red FRAGILE stamp down on ESD with a bam, and Slinky is on his way. Tomorrow I expect to pretty much spend the day with the postmaster, filling out customs forms. Imagine his face when I drag this lot in. I have a consolation prize for him in my purse. Yes, his very own Epic Slinky Dog. Don’t you think everyone at the post office needs one this time of year?

 

Photo Credit:  Stephanie Karfelt

 

How are your brilliant holiday plans working out?  ‘Iceland’ has been inundated with a rash of those slightly disturbing glorious sunny days. It’s December, there’s usually snow. I feel almost guilty basking in perfect jogging days, when the wonky weather changes have wrought so much damage. Jogging to my latest favorite running song (“Kill Your Heroes” by AWOLNATION) a text interrupted me. How inconvenient. Had to close my Facebook app (right in the middle of an Instant Message conversation) to read the text. It was from BFF and read…

“Christmas songs that should never have been – Bob Dylan singing “Must Be Santa” accompanied by an accordion. Yes, really!...”

I resisted the urge to open iTunes right then and there. I was jogging, and it’s very difficult to punch in your password properly when you’re running. So I texted back…

            “Lol Timnin”

Which we all know means I’m laughing out loud, while texting and running. BFF is used to such responses. Of course I hit YouTube to check out said video and this is what I found:  Must Be Santa by Bob Dylan

It made me laugh, and I appreciate that. Thank you Mr. Dylan (or Sir or Knight or whatever it is). What do you think about the accordion accompanied song?  And of all the holiday songs that are out there right now, which ones do you think should have NEVER been?  And now I’m going to go run, at last. Just as soon as I get this blog posted.

***

This is the part about the fun and games and giveaways. If you leave a comment (and “Join this Site”) you’re eligible for your very own Epic Slinky Dog/giveaways. I’m planning to give away at least two ESD on this post. Since it is Christmas, I’ll also be keeping in the spirit of the season by giving away another $25 gift card to Barnes & Noble. After this post hits 25 comments (spam doesn’t count), I’ll randomly pick one winner from the comment section for the gift card. Be sure to check back to see if you’ve won. (If I can’t locate a winner within 48 hours, I will choose another.) 

Photo Credit:  Stephanie Karfelt



The Shieldmaiden's Admonition

A Glitter Globe Christmas Carol Tale

Perhaps Dickens would understand...

It’s almost 2:00 a.m. and I’m supposed to be rewriting the last chapter of my current WIP. Instead I’m snapping the bubble-wrap that I use to wrap Epic Slinky Dogs in. Was hanging out on Facebook but it gets really quiet in the middle of the night. Seems like a perfect time for a visit from the Ghost of Christmas Past. The Dickens Curse was handed down to me for my Bah Humbug post, and I’ve been waiting for these visits so I can blog about it. I think I know what is wrong. It is amazing how these things become clearer to me with lack of sleep. How would I even know if The Ghost of Christmas Past showed up?  She might be here showing me the past right now. How scary can that possibly be for a writer?  It would look exactly like what I’m always doing, typing with really bad posture. Of course I quit writing sometimes, but what are the odds the ghost has time to hunt through years of me typing, to look for me standing in the kitchen eating peanut butter out of the jar?  It is kinda scary though, I’ll give you that. Sit up straight!  Shoulders back!  There, much better.

Ph

Here comes the Ghost of Christmas Present. I notice her. She drags me away from the computer to show me my daughter decorating the tree all by herself. Nooooooo!  I suck! Hold up. My daughter might be doing this just so I can’t put all the Epic Slinky Dogs on the tree as I’d planned! No, you're right! That doesn’t matter!  No one should decorate the tree alone! I turn on a Christmas movie and help. The tree is now all silver and blue, very festive. The Ghost of Christmas Present glides through the kitchen and we have a look around. She makes me clean up my spinach smoothie mess, and take the trash out. I don’t think she’s a ghost, I think she’s a witch because she gets all up in my face about doing laundry, and opening mail. Give me a break!  Who opens their mail every single week?  What do I look like, Superwoman?  I grab a quick dessert (Redi-Whip straight out of the can, don’t judge me, these ghosts already are) and return to my writing. I have a deadline. I need to finish this entire series in this lifetime, AND write a few more.

The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come looks freakily like my chiropractor. Let’s call her GCYC for short. She says the turtle neck from straining towards the computer screen is now permanent. Apparently I should have jogged a bit more and not sat fourteen hours a day either, because even though it is the future they don’t make pants shaped like THAT. Looks like my Christmas tree is up though, hmmm, it looks exactly like the one I just put up with my daughter. What?  You mean it is the same one?  I never took it down?  Now there’s an idea, why didn’t I think of that years ago?  GCYC says she doesn’t like my attitude and to take a look at this. Well, thank goodness Dragon Naturally Speaking has advanced, because it looks like my future writer self has to use it. Both her hands are in casts from carpal tunnel surgery, and she’s got a bit of a hump. At least she’s still writing, right?  I sneak a peek over her shoulder to see what she’s working on. How many novels has she written?  What series is she working on now?  My heart's all aflutter, this should be good!  My future-self’s hair is dark with grey streaks, so she’s either much older or there is no hair dye left in the world. Leaning forward I see that she is busily editing a novel called BLANK. That’s the exact same thing I’m editing in the present. No!  No!  Oh Dear Heavens!  Noooo!  Oh the humanity!  I’ll change!  I swear it, I’ll change!  Anything but that!  Noooooo!

***

This story genuinely creeps me out. Just to prove I am a changed woman, I slithered into the holiday spirit and made this video. It is all those things that scare me about the holiday, rolled into one fun video. Leave a comment and tell me what scares you about the holiday, and one of you will win a $25 gift card from Barnes & Noble, and at least one of you will win an Epic Slinky Dog. (See?  Like Scrooge the morning after, I’m giving stuff away!)  I’m going to pick the gift card winner based on your epic comment. Be sure to follow my blog to qualify!  And check back to see if you won in order to collect your prize! 



An Epic Merry for Ye...