|The Glitter Globe/S.R. Karfelt|
Once, at a dinner with other couples who'd been married ten, twenty, or thirty years, I asked what they thought the secret to a long marriage was. There was nervous laughter, but in the end they gave variations of the same glib answer I have.
- Or, if you must leave, make sure you go back.
Come October I'll have been married thirty-five years.
Life is hard af
- Someone you can trust
- Someone who is kind
- Someone who can trust you
- Someone you respect
Marriages don't have to fit into a box.
Here comes the big secret.
You don't always like your spouse!
If you love, trust, and respect your partner it's worth staying.
My husband still does all those little annoying things he did since the start of our marriage. His dirty clothes live in a pile about two feet from the hamper. Unless I drill-sergeant over him he never makes his side of the bed. Over the years we've slowly, almost imperceptibly, broken up the chores into those traditional His and Hers boxes that I swore I'd never allow.
After all this time I can admit with confidence that I'm annoying af to live with too. He gets to watch me make the same mistakes over and over. He gets to talk to a woman who drifts completely out of the conversation and into a story-line. He always knows. He says, "Hey! Where'd you go?"
"Uh, sorry, Kahtar needed me."
How do you deal with the petty differences and the same person's annoying habits for years? I can only tell you what works for us. (But I know it's worked for many friends married just as long too!)
Give each other space to continue growing as human beings.
Nothing changed but us.
|Our Dorky Love Story isn't very Hallmark.|