Tuesday, December 22, 2015

It Could Be True. Random Factoids You Can't Argue Because I Only Said COULD BE TRUE. So, Hah.




  • It could be true that the zombie apocalypse is currently in progress, and the zombies don't even know they're zombies because they're busy shopping, watching TV, and generally taking up space within the matrix.
  •  It could be true that people talking to themselves is perfectly normal.
  • It could be true that the best place to hide ice-cream in your side-by-side freezer is on the very bottom, because while most people HAVE the ability to bend their knees, most don't.
  • It could be true that fashion co-dependence is a good thing. "Do these yoga pants make my gym look small?"
  • It could be true that the whole conundrum of "if a tree falls in the forest and nobody hears it--does it make a sound?" is just one more example of egotistical human absurdity.
  • It could be true that the deep question of which came first, the chicken or the egg, has been solved. DUH the chicken came first. Someone had to take care of the egg and the baby chicken. Where did the egg-laying chicken come from? Aliens. Duh.
  • It could be true that believing basic old-school survival skills like hunting/fishing/farming are no longer necessary skills for the average person is a tad short-sighted. 
  • It could be true that scientifically speaking, bigger brains make higher IQ's.
  • It could be true, therefore, that the bigger, smarter males of the species could conceivably have a whopping 3-5 extra IQ points over smaller brained females.
  • It could be true that this is all completely irrelevant since breasts can drop the male IQ a good thirty points in a flash.
  • It could be true that no matter how mathy you get about males, brain size, and IQ, females are still comfortable and self-satisfied being next-gen.
  • It could be true that breast obsession came about due to generations of males who weren't breastfed.
  • It could be true that ages ago, breasts were considered purely functional BECAUSE THEY ARE.
  • It could be true that the only legitimate reason NOT to breastfeed is because for the rest of your natural life, the first thing your spawn will think when they see you is, "What's for dinner?"
  • It could be true that the size of IQ is irrelevant when all the brain consumes is Star Trek, Doctor Who, and memes.
  • It could be true that if you're in the hospital bored out of your gourd, that you're one of the lucky ones. Let's hope all your hospital experiences are boring.
  • It could be true that the benefits of organization outweigh the pain of getting organized...nah.
  • It could be true that the early bird gets the worm, but the night owl eats that crowing rooster.
  • It could be true that chocolate is female catnip. 
  • It could be true that organized sports is all that separates us from Ancient Rome and a Colosseum full of hungry lions.
  • It could be true that ghosts spend far too much time thinking about the past.
  • It could be true that cussing saves lives.
  • It could be true that exercise is a natural anti-depressant and sex is a natural club drug.
  • It could be true that nobody really gives a rat's rump if you say Happy Holidays or Merry Christmas or Wotever, because nobody is listening anyway. 
  • It could be true that nobody can hear reality over the din of propaganda and spin doctors.
  • It could be true that people have their eyes glued to their cell phones because today's human social interaction is basically a roomful of middle-schoolers waiting gleefully for someone to say the wrong thing so they can:
    • Take offense
    • Verbally tar and feather them
    • Post about it online
    • All of the above
  • It could be true that while bullying has been moving out of the schoolroom, it's found a comfy home online and in the press.
  • It could be true that the word holiday means holy day so it too will soon morph into a suppository bug and crawl into the orifice list of Don't Say Me.
  • It could be true that most people mean no offense when they word vomit. They just like the sound.
  • It could be true that talking is to people like barking is to dogs. It's what they do. It's best to let the barks out to prevent the biting. 
  • It could be true that on that note it's time for me to stop now. Rarf. 
It could be true I'd love to hear what you think COULD BE TRUE.


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