Friday, August 30, 2013

Chicken Hit List



Once in an exercise class I overheard a woman talking about her awesome house. She said it was the perfect house for parties; pool, island kitchen, deck, and outdoor grill. (Yes I was eavesdropping, I’m a writer. I might need to use your personal details in a blog or something.) Then she went on to say that she’d never had a single party EVER, even though she wanted to, but she was afraid she might get SUED. Sued for having a party? Welcome to the Blue State. Sorry, that was an uncalled for jibe. 

I actually can understand how a party could end in a lawsuit. I don’t let that stop me because A) As a writer I average $65 income a year and B) I want to live before I die. The last time I had a large party at my house (I may have mentioned this before) someone brought a cow. For real, yes a live cow – and no it was not invited. A game of tag suddenly morphed into someone chasing kids with a truck IN MY YARD, and I had to stop my FIL from dragging out fireworks he’d sneaked in. They had a warning label stating “must be buried in at least three feet of sand before ignition”. WOT? Lest you think this was a banjo playing redneck extravaganza, well it was, but it didn’t start out like that. The guest list was a veritable who’s who of professionals. I’d start listing the occupations of the attendees except I don’t want to be a fearmonger and make you afraid to have surgery, or fly in a plane, or space shuttle or anything.


The fact that I don’t have parties at my house anymore has nothing to do with potential lawsuits. I just don’t want to have to CLEAN UP AFTERWARDS, or beforehand for that matter. I don’t have the perfect party house, as a matter of fact I need a disclaimer at the front door: 
“Don’t Judge. People really live in this house, hard.”

Still the woman who was afraid to have a party inspired me to make a list of what I was afraid of. Let’s call it a Chicken Hit List, because we’re going to kill these fears. It’s better than a bucket list. Now I’m not talking about war and pestilence, as human beings I would imagine our fear list is all pretty much the same. I’m talking about irrational fears. For instance I’m afraid of spiders. It’s because I’m allergic to them, because from a purely aesthetic point of view they’re actually beautiful. I have this thing about insects (and crustaceans for you nit pickers). I like them. Raising the six-leggers is a part-time hobby. (Think moths, butterflies, and ladybugs.) Yet in an effort to tackle my fear of being bitten I will annihilate any spider that scuttles into my house. Bare handed. I’m so not kidding about that. And I will beat them until a leg or two falls off. If they’re particularly beautiful I do apologize, but I’m not exactly sincere about it.

The second thing on my Chicken Hit List is public speaking. If I don’t have a backspace and delete key handy I get really nervous talking. I just never know what is going to come out of my mouth. I’m not shy, but this is simply something I’d somehow managed to avoid my entire life. The first time I ever stood in front of a microphone was at my recent book release party. Let’s just say by the end of the night I was singing into the microphone. I thought it was kinda beautiful, but my friend Zeus left in a big hurry. I’m sure I’ll be nervous next time I speak publicly, but it was FUN and I got to talk about my BOOK, and I’m actually looking forward to next time. Life can be so good.

S. R. Karfelt
w/katara dagger necklace
from WOA
The next thing on my Chicken Hit List is akin to running with scissors, which is only acceptable when going after your FIL and his fireworks. Yes, I'm going to catch up on my paperwork, my personal kryptonite. 

Seriously, I highly recommend facing your dragons. They may turn out to be Smaug, but I’ll just bet you can spot his weakness when you face him. Do you want to share something from your Chicken Hit List? What dragons do you need to slay?

Monday, August 26, 2013

A Real Writer

Photo Credit: S. R. Karfelt


It is humid outside, it’s been thunderstorming today. There is a smoky grey haze hanging over the low slung hills in the distance. I can’t quit looking out the window at that skyline. Know why? Because I have a window! My last novel was written sans windows. I started to write Warrior of the Ages after it dropped into my head via migraine express, like a meteor on a sore toe. (Hey, it’s my head I get to pick the metaphors.) Space is at premium at my house. It was an upgrade when I went from writing with a pencil on spiral notebooks, sitting at the edge of my bed, to writing on a dilapidated laptop, sitting on a wooden bench with a tablemate, so not ergonomic – either of those. I do not recommend them. Eventually I scored a desk – oh happy day – crammed into a windowless corner of my bedroom. That is all you really need, a bit of space and a bit of time to write your novel.

Still a girl can dream about bookcases, file cabinets, table space, and windows.

Warrior of the Ages by S. R. Karfelt


Five and a half years later the novel is published and out in the world, and a room in my house opened up as if by plan. Just a few weeks before my novel’s debut, with all the hype and release parties approaching, Dear Hubby and I attacked that bedroom for a remodel. It took over a week of just scraping carpet glue off concrete flooring before hardwood could be installed. Soft yellow paint replaced dark man cave colors on the walls. It has been a couple of weeks, and I still enter this room with a sense of awe. I. Have. An. Office.

S. R. Karfelt's office
Desk and Reading Couch


Just like a real writer.

Now all I need to do is start writing in it. A blog is an excellent place to start.


Do you dream of a room of your own? What would you do with it if you had it? Or if you do have it, what did you do with it? 

Tuesday, August 20, 2013

Clone Zone


Fun Things To Do With Your Clone


The Glitter Globe/S. R. Karfelt


1) Meet her (or him).


First off let’s crush those clone stereotypes. Your clone was not created in a lab. (At least not that we can prove.) Your clone is not here to do your dirty work. You will never get her to do your taxes while you write novels. In my case my clone has her own novels to write. They are nothing like mine. She is my clone, but she has a mind and life of her own. Those are clone facts. You heard it here first.

The very first time I saw my clone my heart fluttered. No, it wasn’t a girl crush. I hadn’t even seen her shoe collection yet. Nor was it that I realized she was, indeed, my very own clone. No, my heart fluttered because for the first time in my writing life I saw a character from one of my novels in the flesh. I was so star struck I couldn’t approach her. Well that and the character she looks like does happen to be an assassin, but I digress. It was at a writing event and while I watched her from afar, I couldn’t work up the nerve to approach her. Since I was flying home, and we all know that you can’t get here from there, I got stranded. I didn’t mind. I never mind getting stuck on the way home from anything. While the people scheduled for my flight stressed and worried, and I fought to keep the expression of glee off my face (they were giving me vouchers for later flights, hotels, and meals – YES) I spotted HER.

Deliriously happy with my good fortune, I danced over to her gate and introduced myself. A friendship was formed. One of those obsessive stalkery ones. I will love you and squeeze you and call you George.  It was mutual though, so you don’t need to report it or anything. It wasn’t long before we were finishing each other’s sentences and texting constantly. My online friends were the first to insist there was a physical resemblance.

I don't see it.
Keating/Karfelt

2) Get to know your clone.


My clone lives where the deer and the antelope play, so our clonemance had been long distance. Until, after news of the publication of my first book, she sent me this via Twitter.

Keating/Karfelt

As you can obviously tell by this message, my clone was coming to my Warrior of the Ages book release party! My joy knew no bounds. 


Keating/Karfelt


3) Freak out family and friends! (Now we're getting to the good stuff.)


After her arrival my husband was a bit freaked out. Um, Dear Hubby said, Um - Does your clone know who her father is? Of course she does, I said, why? It's just kinda weird, he insisted, citing mannerisms, looks, expressions, speech, sense of humor, other similarities. Of course, I explained, I told you she was my clone. I mean, she's next-gen obviously, but a clone is a clone right? 

S. R. Karfelt w/Clone Keating at Warrior of the Ages Release Party

4) Freak yourself out a bit.


So driving along in the time travel jeep as dusk approached, while chatting away to my clone and my friend, Angel, I managed to get us lost somewhere in the hills. My clone let out an excited squeal, "Old cemetery!" My heart leapt in my chest. YES! I thought, YES! She really, truly is my clone. I hit the brakes and threw the gear into park. From the back seat I'm pretty sure I heard Angel mutter something like, "Oh. My. Not happening." Obviously Angel considered my penchant for approaching old cemeteries with an enthusiasm far surpassing any day at an amusement park, as one of my own quirks. Apparently not. 

I don't have a picture of this one...
Karfelt/Keating 


5) If you love your clone, set her free


Because she needs to get back to where seldom is heard a discouraging word, and you both have novels to write. Face it, if you lived near each other you'd never get any writing done.


Keating/Karfelt

Do you have a clone? What do you like to do together? (If you don't have one, make sure you stay on the lookout.) If you did have a clone, what freakiness would give him/her away?






Friday, August 16, 2013

RELEASED

Warrior of the Ages by S. R. Karfelt

At long last my first novel has been released into the wilds of the Real World. What a ride! Yesterday was spent at an all day virtual party right here - in cyberspace. Crashed my laptop. It was AWESOME. You were all so wonderful, and I had a blast. Hope you enjoyed it too! A reminder that you can check out updates on the book at the main website, Warrior of the Ages DOT COM or the official Facebook Page. Both places will keep you up to date on fun details and eventually the NEXT BOOK (Seriously? Asking me when the next one is out on release day is akin to being asked on your wedding day when a baby can be expected! Though I secretly loved it, and the answer is soon because it is ALREADY WRITTEN! HAH!)

Piles of loot went out during the party. Here is a complete list of giveaways and recipients:

Signed Bookmark w/Mini-Skeleton Key: Robin Harnist, Brian Detnerski, Oscar Carey, Bonnie Middaugh, Tim Middaugh, Lisa Godfries and Ed Keelan

Tote Bags w/Key Chain: Hannah Nuss, Kelly Simmons Keating, Rajdeep Paulus, Donna M Kilgore, Sarah Wojnarek

Skeleton Key Necklace: Donna Seamans, Carol Wojnarek, Amanda Dickerson, Heather Fourman

Katara Dagger Necklace: LaDonna Cole, Kimberley Robertson, Bob James


Signed Book: Brian Detnerski, Kristen Andryshak

Skeleton Key: Crystal Becker, Terri Ringer

Dagger Letter Opener: Lynn Andryshak, Rich Miklitsch, Jennifer Bailey and Robin Harnist

Grand Prize Loot Bags: Tina Stark, Suzanne Schrader

$50 BN Gift Card: Christine Wren

Thank you all for participating! Hope you had a good time at the party. Be sure to contact me with your private info so that I can mail you your prizes. TheGlitterGlobe@gmail.com is the way to do that!

Now we rest. Briefly. Because there is all that beautiful space on the bookshelf that must be filled, right?


S. R. Karfelt
"Let's just run the Release Party All Day"
Heh

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Warrior of the Ages Book Trailer

Just ask me how hard it has been to keep this trailer under wraps! Can barely believe I've managed it! Feel free to nab it, steal it, SHARE it everywhere you go on the web! I'd just love it if you'd do that for me. I'm talking email, put it on your phone, twitter, facebook, anywhere you like to go!

In the comment section below if you mention it, or share your link info, I'll send you an autographed bookmark to show my appreciation.*


Be sure to join in the WOA Release Party today, here or the official page of Facebook



First and foremost, being a firm believer that life is far too important to be taken seriously, I love to laugh. I'm
S. R. Karfelt, Author of Warrior of the Ages
a writer with a penchant for Speculative Fiction, likely caused by exposure to dangerous levels of the high-tech industry.

When I try to write a mainstream story, something unexpected worms its way in and who am I to deny the muse? A wanderer by nature, I'm from wherever I'm writing today. I'm a wife and a mother and a writer and a storyteller.

The kaleidoscope of human perspective fascinates and often amuses me. Salad and ice cream are what's for dinner if I'm cooking. The only thing I collect are stories, and I've been blessed with a face that apparently says, "Really? Tell me more!"

Outside is my favorite place to be. Jogging to angry screamo music makes me happy. Telling the truth is my moral code as a writer, and I believe joy is often a matter of perspective and priority.



*(This offer is limited to the first twenty responders/times out at 3:00 p.m. EST on 8/15/2013!)


WOA Giveaway Rules!

S. R. Karfelt's Warrior of the Ages Book

Rules of Warrior of the Ages Online Release Party Giveaway!!



(Rules? Seriously? You all know how I feel about paperwork. This is the deal, please share my book info, it's excellent karma. The following details are guidelines for those of you who are into that sort of thing. All giveaways will be selected through random dot org. This party is hosted by Votadini Publishing and Warrior of the Ages Author, S. R. Karfelt, for the purpose of spreading the news and generating some excitement about my first novel! PLEASE NOTE: My "party" is not endorsed nor affiliated with Facebook.)


Welcome to the WOA Online Release Party! Today we will be handing out LOTS of cool stuff ALL DAY. The only thing I ask you to do is consider SPREADING THE NEWS about Warrior of the Ages, and maybe you will have the chance to score some of that good stuff! ;) Check out my requests below…


1.                 SHARE the book trailer and I will share one of THREE Grand Loot Bags and TWO cool things!
a.      PROBABLY SHOULD TAG/TELL ME SO I KNOW YOU SHARED THE VIDEO.
b.     I will thank my first five Video Shares with a signed bookmark & skeleton key!
c.      Recipients of the TWO cool things are STILL ELIGIBLE FOR THE VERY BEST LOOT!
d.     Grand Prize Loot Announcements will occur at 1:35 PM and 8:35 PM!

2.                 BE A WARRIOR! If you'd like to make my book cover your COVER or PROFILE photo on Facebook for the day, I might like to give you a really cool WEAPON (okay, it’s just a little letter opener sword, but it’s sharp!)
a.      Multiple warriors announced at 8PM. (I don't have enough for everyone!)
b.     YOU MUST TAG/TELL ME IF YOU WANT ME TO KNOW.

3.                 SHARE THE NEWS! Like/share my WOA Fan Page, post your thoughts on it, or join in our conversations and perhaps you will receive an imported pewter necklace (a katara dagger named after the main character, Kahtar) from BICCO jewelry -  or one of the skeleton key necklaces!
a.      There are MULTIPLE necklaces so MULTIPLE people might get lucky!

4.                 SHARE THE NEWS SOME MORE! If you wanna give me a little shoutout or Tweet using #warrioroftheages on FB or Twitter, just sayin', I got some cool WOA tote bags and key chains!
a.      If you SHARE my WOA Fan Page AND #warrioroftheages you might get double lucky.

5.                Gifts will be determined by Random.com to ensure fairness. IF YOU RECEIVE A GIFT, I will TAG you as well as leave it in comments on my blog. I can't PM you via FB, sorry! It is then YOUR responsibility to let me know how to get the gift to you! These will be shipped by the end of August. Recipients forfeit the right to their stuff if they have not supplied an address by August 23rd. theglitterglobe@gmail.com 


6.                 GET EXCITED! I might throw in a few extra gifts throughout the day just cuz you're my friends, so stay tuned, eat cake and CELEBRATE with me! 


Tuesday, August 13, 2013

Loot Bag (Warrior of the Ages On-Line Release Party Giveaways!)

You are Informally Invited 
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Time: 9:00 a.m. ish - 8:35 p.m. ish




Katara Dagger Necklace/Warrior of the Ages by S. R. Karfelt

Allow me to toot my own horn here, I make excellent loot bags. During the past year I've had my eye out for excellent giveaways for my book release party. It's a virtual event. You can attend it from the comfort of your own electronic device, at your own convenience. Details and times for giveaways will be posted RIGHT HERE on August 15th! In the meantime check it out! This pewter necklace is imported from BICCO Jewelry in Australia. When I spotted this during my travels, I realized right off that lovely cross looking pendant is identical to a katara dagger. The main character in WOA is named Kahtar! What a lovely coincidence, no? I wear mine all the time, it is a nice quality piece of jewelry.


Warrior of the Ages Giveaways courtesy of S. R. Karfelt and Votadini Publishing

Plenty of prizes! The rules will be posted here tomorrow! In the meantime, what do you think?

Letter Opener
S. R. Karfelt/Warrior of the Ages

S. R. Karfelt's Warrior of the Ages &
Matching Tote Bags

S. R. Karfelt's Warrior of the Ages Skeleton Keys


S. R. Karfelt Author 
Did you enjoy the prize preview? There will be a couple signed books going out, and two big loot bags full of goods, not to mention a $50 Barnes & Noble gift card!

Most of the chatter will take place at the Official Warrior of the Ages fan page on Facebook!

My name is S. R. Karfelt, and Warrior of the Ages is my first novel. I took the long road. This series took me five years to write, rewrite, and then slog through all those things that must be done to a novel before publication. (Such as editing, and finding someone to publish it. Details!) 

Hope you'll swing by on Thursday and join in the fun. I'd luv to hear from you!


Boston Terriered





Ever since the Petco incident I’ve been wary of the bug-eyed creatures. Oh sure when I spotted the little black and white puppy traipsing through the store at the end of his leash my heart melted a little. His paws couldn’t find purchase on the linoleum so he was doing this adorable puppy ice-skating thing, trying his best to make his way to those bins of doggie treats smack dab in the middle of the store. Awwww, I thought, Such a sweet wittle puppy! In search of a heating lamp for a peaky-looking gecko, I turned the corner. And slid about six inches through a steaming pile of…Boston Terrier shtuff. In my wicked awesome new straw wedge shoes. Open-toe. Thank you very much.

I hate those little shifty eyed heathens! Not to be trusted! Bah!

Fortunately there was a shoe store right next door (coincidence? Methinks I sense an evil marketing plan) where I picked up a pair of hot pink leather strappy wedges to ease my pain. Don’t think that I didn’t notice none of the employees even raised an eyebrow over my shopping barefoot. I strongly suspect they’ve seen it before. Bet the Petco/Shoe barons gleefully checked the box under ‘Gollum-Faced Dog Plot Scores Again’. Bet they rewarded their little Bostonian with another high-fiber treat.


Time passed, enough that wedge sandals went out of fashion and returned. Gotta luv ‘em. My Good Friend and I were both running dangerously low on stuff, and decided to stock up at Target. We hopped into the time travel jeep and hit the road. Zipping down a busy roadway, the kind with dangerous curves and no posted speed limit – which triggers the inner autobahn German in all of us – I spotted a minion. A helpless little Boston Terrier darted back and forth in the middle of the road, giving his all to being run down. Oh no! Sweet puppy in road! No no! Save him!  The cars didn’t even slow down! I couldn’t bear it! I mean he couldn’t help it he was a Boston Terrier, right?

Skidding to a stop while my Good Friend – who has her own reasons not to trust minions – exclaimed, “Don’t! No! What are you doing?” Right in the middle of the highway I swung my door open (it was a very Mission Impossible/Bourne Identity maneuver as I recall) and called, “Here Puppy, Puppy, Puppy!” Now this call works like magic. I once employed it successfully on a stray coyote in the Sonoran Desert much to Dear Hubby’s astonishment. Spoken properly I’m fairly sure this would work on Godzilla. (Call me if you ever wanna try that.) Boston Terrier responded with enthusiasm, racing across a lane and leaping into the air he landed right in my lap, wriggling with joy.

Then, because dogs can sense when people are not Dog People and it is their mission in life to convert you, he launched himself across the Jeep – all enthusiasm and tongue - to win my Good Friend. She protested, and he increased his efforts, which apparently required him to adhere to her face with his entire body. I couldn’t hear much of what she said because she insisted on trying to dodge the dog’s tongue lapping at her mouth, but I caught something like, “GAH! GAAAH! MUDDDDD! GAH!”



Oh. Dear. There was mud, now that I looked. In fact the inside of the Jeep now looked like we’d hosted an event from The Dirty Girl Mud Run. Goodness, but the dog wasn’t muddy, in fact he was shiny black and white well taken care of puppy. Awwwww. “GAH! Get him oorrrffff!” My Good Friend managed to dislodge him and he darted back to my lap, wagging his entire body, and leaving a trail of perfect muddy paw prints in his wake. I pulled off the road, and shoved the back seat down, lifted the muddy miscreant, and sat him firmly in the backseat. Paws flailing, he shot back into the front, again leaving a trail of footprints like some sort of canine self-inking stamp.

Photo Credit: S. R. Karfelt


“What are you going to do with HIM?” Good Friend inquired, trying to block him from her lap and failing miserably. I didn’t know, hadn’t got that far in my excellent rescue plan. “I guess I’ll take him to the dog shelter,” I said unconvincingly. Boston Terrier looked at me with his best, “Oh no you won’t. You want me. In fact, you love me.” Oh nooo! I can’t fall in love right now! I’m focusing on my writing career!

“He probably belongs to someone,” Good Friend pointed out. You, Casanova, I thought, I’ll bet you already have people who keep you all handsome and shiny, except for the paw thing. Seriously? How much mud can possibly be wedged up in his feet? Answer: One Jeep’s worth, because he continued to traipse around mucking up the place joyfully.

I spotted a guy weed-whacking alongside the road, the only human being in sight, and drove over. Boston Terrier grinned at him out the window while I asked if he looked familiar. The man nodded and pointed to a house, “He goes there. They’re out driving around looking for him.” Bingo! I jotted my cell number onto a postcard about my book – Warrior of the Ages – which is officially released this week – and foisted it onto the man – requesting that he have them call me – and hoping that this counted in some small measure as that marketing thing I’m supposed to be doing – and certain that once Mud Puppy was reunited with his family that they’d be pleased to have their long lost doggie rescued by an author. Good dog karma would certainly be good for marketing, right? Worth the trashed Jeep, don’t you think?

Um, wrong. The dog people called within about fifteen minutes, sounding strained. Apparently I’d nabbed said puppy off the highway right under their noses and drove off…sorta dognapper fashion. I returned him immediately and he leapt into their arms sobbing and whining about his ordeal, while I stood there muddy from head to foot and not even daring to mention my book. I mean really, I could see the accusation in their glaring eyes. Not to mention my Good Friend’s polite, “I need to go change now.” Yeah, well, I think I need to go trade my car in now.


When I’m not sliding around Petco, or dognapping, I’m writing. It’s what I do. The other stuff is really just
excellent story fodder. My book, Warrior of the Ages, has the absolutely most awesome memorable dog in it. I promise you will enjoy meeting Wolves. Be sure to swing by here on Thursday, August 15th for the on-line Release Party. You can watch the book trailer for WOA and maybe score one of the excellent giveaways! You won’t want to miss it! 

Be sure to visit the Warrior of the Ages Official Fan Page on Facebook, or swing by the official website for up to date information on Warrior of the Ages and the best deals on availability. There's even information on how to score a signed copy! 

Friday, August 2, 2013

Come Follow Follow Follow



Follow the link to today's blog. Did you miss it? Click blog, because I'm going to read a book and eat some Ben & Jerry's tonight (chocolate fudge brownie if you're a detail person). And if you're wondering what book I'm reading, it is mine. Finally. I have a paperback copy of my FIRST NOVEL in my hands! It will be available on August 15th, 2013. That's pretty soon, so I'm going to read it and let you know if it is any good. In the meantime, check out the blog link for some inside information and tell me what you think about the covers that I didn't choose!

 S. R. Karfelt the author of Warrior of the Ages, before she ate that entire pint of ice-cream.