Sunday, November 11, 2012

Pity Party

Photo Credit:  Stephanie Karfelt
Did you hear that crash at the Glass Museum? Don’t worry, it wasn’t your child. It was me. I dropped my phone on a display of glass balloon animals (taking blog photos, I hope you feel a bit guilty since I did it for you). Vertigo is one heaping bowl of sucks. Miraculously nothing broke. Is there special multi-tasking insurance for clumsy people? Though blundering is not just a human condition. This week Sandy, my pet butterfly, got the tip of his wing caught in a bit of dried honey and flew off without that bit. It was the same day that I hit a rabbit driving home in the dark. Mother Nature’s disappointment in my nurturing skills is vast, a given being a part-time vegetarian who dreams about hamburgers. At any rate I decided to throw a pity party. You’re all invited and encouraged to share your tales of woe. We’ll even have pity party prizes.
My entry into the pity party hall of shame is the allergic reaction I had to…(wait for it)…allergy shots. How pathetic is that? It wasn’t a horrible anaphylactic shock reaction (thank God). I specialize in those freaky little reactions that doctors toss nonchalantly into the ‘side-effects’ category. “Does the incessant itching bother you, Mrs. Karfelt?”  “Not at all. I’m wondering if I could get a prescription for one of those cones? You know the kind Vets use on dogs that won’t stop gnawing on themselves?”


My invisible poison ivy-like side-effect goes to the back of the bus when compared to Lauren Hewell’s tale of woe. The recent college graduate shared her story with The Glitter Globe. Lauren’s in the job market by the way. 


So what’s your story? Have you ever been thrown out of Walmart because your child screamed that loud? Did you sign up for NaNoWriMo* and then remember that Thanksgiving is in two weeks, and you’re hosting company and the family gathering? Did you have to get in a car with an infamous stray dog known to have once eaten an entire goat? Today’s pity party day, and we’re all here to commiserate with you. Keep in mind the goal is to laugh at ourselves, and there are prizes for the best-worst story. (Follow my blog to be eligible for a prize, and leave a comment below. Feel free to suggest what you think an excellent prize would be, but be prepared to accept an Epic Slinky Dog, chocolate, or shards of broken bits from a glass balloon animal. Just kidding. They did NOT break. Really.)

Photo Credit:  Stephanie Karfelt


*NaNoWriMo is National Novel Writing Month. When inspired writers take on the challenge of writing an entire novel the month before Christmas (and risk alienating their Thanksgiving company, again).






 



14 comments:

  1. you are hilarious! not that I laugh at your misfortune and humiliation. . . ugh! Awkward moment at Corning Glass. It it were me I would blame one of my many fat rolls.

    That resume made me scream with laughter.

    Moment of shame? oh, why go there? Maybe the time my mom took all of us kids to see Return of the Jedi and the dude dressed as Yoda held out his hand and I didn't know what to do so I kissed it. oh, yeah, I really did. Cuz i thought that's what you do with a Jedi master. At like 12 years old. Still haunted.

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  2. Kathleen - Love. This. Getting a visual of your story coming up at every Thanksgiving since. It is good to have kindred spirits at a pity party. You know I'm pretty sure that you were following Jedi Master protocol. I absolutely love this story. You just won yourself the Panera cookie of your choice, compliments of The Glitter Globe.
    Am really glad you stopped by. May the Force be with You. I'm sure it will since you have the proper respect for it.

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  3. Got some reverse Butterfly Effect going on. Hurricane Sandy set things up so your butterfly got stuck, which prevented it from producing enough wind gust to caution the rabbit away.

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  4. Ummm, let's see. How about the time I arrived at the airport with my parents, and momentarily losing track of them - ended up on the wrong side of security. (You know how you're not supposed to go back into the airport section after heading to baggage claim? Well, it sets off alarms if you try.)
    As an added bonus, the old guy that said hi to me while I was freaking out (because of course neither of my parents had their phone on, and it had already been that kind of day) was my uncle, the guy that we'd come to see, and I did not recognize him at all. It'd only been 12 years...

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  5. Well, other than that whole goat thing... Yeah, let's just skip the story and suffice by saying: Tomorrow is my 18th wedding anniversary. Tonight I'm thankful that I have my own room and plan to spend the night soothing my woes in a gallon of rocky road. Fill in the blanks, pass the tissues, and don't touch my spoon!

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  6. Oh Stephanie. I love your life.

    My story is one of those "I can't believe you keep doing those things" sort of story.

    Flash back to 19 and the day after my boyfriend broke up with me. I was feeling a little low, so my friends who I worked with went out to lunch with me at our favorite local restaurant. That's where the joy began.

    We got the crabby waitress. I told my friends she was the crabby one and we were in for it. When she came back and took our order, I wasn't paying too close of attention. She reached her hand out to me, flat, palm up, and I looked at it for a second. Then I did the only logical thing. I gave her a high five.

    My friends started laughing, one of them grabbing my menu and handing it to the waitress...since that's what she wanted.
    I then laughed and felt like quite the fool. My next moment of joy was when I was telling my friends how another friend gets refills. I was explaining this because my glass had been empty and Grumpy wouldn't come and refill it, no matter how often I sucked on the straw and made the empty glass sound.
    She sets the glass on top of her head until the server comes by. I was explaining this with my empty glass on my head. Of course, that's when or waitress came by.
    She snatched the glass of my head and stalked off. Of course, this made my friends laugh, which made it seem like it was intentional.

    I have never felt like a bigger dummy...nor have I ever seen Grumpy again. She doesn't work there anymore..haven't seen her since the day I made a fool of myself ;)

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  7. Dang it, Kelsey, you just made me LOL with your high five of the waitress, I'm sure I woke no one...

    Let's see, awkward- how about when I texted my brother about how my boss couldn't keep her cool and swore like a drunken sailor and what I thought of her behavior, only to discover I'd texted her instead. That was...interesting. I had to jump on that grenade quickly, laughed it off like it was a joke and I was on her side of it...evidently she bought it, because we've had two rounds of layoffs since and I'm still in the company.

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  8. Gary - Excellent theory. Sandy is on his way to Mexico now - so maybe that will straighten everything out.

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  9. Dear Heretic - Remind me not to fly with you. Did you get tackled? Parents. They only use their cells for outgoing. And to call and make sure you're not having too much fun.

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  10. DMKilgore! Oh no! That is a sad tale. Do you need chocolate? I'll bet you do. Glad you had the rocky road. And your own room. Hope your Dear Hubby throws himself on the mercy of the court and makes amends!
    Call me if he doesn't. We can celebrate your anniversary in The Glitter Globe, groom or no.

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  11. Kelsey P&S - Let's do lunch sometime. I think I know where Grumpy went to work. Heretic's airport security, though she works part-time at the mall at Christmas.
    PS - I love my life too.
    PPS - Wanna go to the glass museum?

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  12. rholliday - Still laughing. Sorry. That is definitely a pitiful tale. Can relate, once I sent a long, detailed email to my lawyer about cramps. Yeah. Meant to send that to my BFF. Um. He called me about it too. Awkward.
    Sounds like you're an excellent grenade jumper.
    Sooooo...chocolate, slinky, or some leftover Bertie Botts Every Flavour Beans???

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  13. Steph, it was awkward for sure, I just had to keep playing it off like I just thought it was funny. I can imagine your reaction on the reply from the lawyer. LOL That's classic. I'm hyper paranoid now about texting; I don't even want to keep my boss' number in my phone, even though I have to.

    Would it be gluttonous to have 5 slinks? Of course, they're all paired off now, but I can't say no- Epic Slink please!!

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  14. Rob - Since I have dozens of Slinky Dogs scattered around the house, I don't think it would be gluttonous at all. Especially since you have five children. And you need one for yourself, so keep on keeping on. I will mail him, after Thanksgiving. Will let you know when he's on his way!

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If you can hear me, verbose on me. Or throw glitter. Wotever.