Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Heroines in a Sentence


Raised in an all female household, from a young age I’ve borne witness to real heroines and have been blessed with continued inspiration from that place we like to call the real world, by witnessing heroines that don’t fall when chased by villains or monsters (and when that happens in a movie doesn’t it just make you crazy?  Who does that?  Just once I’d like to see the hero – or anyone else, for that matter – backtrack to look down on the ninny laying there looking like a supermodel posing – wide-eyed with feigned helplessness – and have them say, “Huh-uh, I don’t think so!  You are so pathetic that we are firing the writers AND feeding you to the monster with ketchup *snap* who’s in charge of condiments in this place?  Just dump it on her – I ain’t playin’!”)  it is my personal opinion that real heroines think outside the box, they chase the bad guys and make them cry at least a little bit, they love hard and unashamedly, have their own likes and interests that have absolutely nothing to do with the hero’s antique car collection (which just makes them roll their eyes) they order two desserts and an appetizer, pick up snakes, kill their own spiders, never apologize for their size – and you better believe they have big feet (with awesomely painted toenails of course) and they say what they mean and mean what they say and despite whatever drivel pop-culture is spewing about pore-less, laugh-line free anatomically impossible females, real heroines NEVER do anything demure because simply attempting it will make them snort with laughter and ruin the effect anyway – and I won’t hesitate to state firmly that Photo Shop and a mall chock full of the secrets of Victoria have absolutely nothing on the timeless beauty of a real heroine, and I’d like to see more of them - both in and out of books.

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